I'm having baby lust again, people.
It's not the sort of thing I would act on. I mean, I'm not completely out of my mind.
My life is GOOD. I'm happy. I'm not crying on a daily (or even weekly and probably not monthly) basis. I have my shit together. I have two books coming out and another one in very good shape and I have tenure and two kids and it's EXACTLY WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED.
But we were out at a kid event today and it was crawling with pregnant women and new babies and I was jealous in a very familiar way (circa 2008-2011). Which makes no sense because I HAVE THE BABY.
But he's not a baby anymore. He's like an actual person. A person less than 3 feet tall, sure, but who has opinions and talks in complete sentences and will be going to PRESCHOOL in June. What the fuck?
So that's probably what this is about, right? Nostalgia for babyness I will never experience again.
Except there's those embryos in the cryotank...
oy.
It's not the sort of thing I would act on. I mean, I'm not completely out of my mind.
My life is GOOD. I'm happy. I'm not crying on a daily (or even weekly and probably not monthly) basis. I have my shit together. I have two books coming out and another one in very good shape and I have tenure and two kids and it's EXACTLY WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED.
But we were out at a kid event today and it was crawling with pregnant women and new babies and I was jealous in a very familiar way (circa 2008-2011). Which makes no sense because I HAVE THE BABY.
But he's not a baby anymore. He's like an actual person. A person less than 3 feet tall, sure, but who has opinions and talks in complete sentences and will be going to PRESCHOOL in June. What the fuck?
So that's probably what this is about, right? Nostalgia for babyness I will never experience again.
Except there's those embryos in the cryotank...
oy.
I totally get it! Today i met a very smart SMC who froze embryos way before she would ever need them. Now she has 11 embryos frozen ready to go. Imagine how jealous I am!
ReplyDeleteMaybe you're getting too much sleep these days...
ReplyDeleteThat's it. Clearly I'm in need of some sleep deprivation :)
ReplyDeleteI really do understand--there's something about the POSSIBILITY that fuels the baby lust. And while you still have some frozen embryos, there is possibility for you. For that very reason, I am so glad that I ran through all of my possibilities while (successfully) trying for #2 Son. Which is not to say that seeing or holding new babies doesn't tug deeply on my heart. However, there's not the same level of emotional engagement that there'd be if it truly WERE a possibility for us. Give yourself some time to consider.
ReplyDeleteI have frozen embryos (and sperm) and at this point I couldn't see doing it again. I have my two babes...and am severely sleep deprived (and think of you all the time)...but I am still paying storage fees...never say never, right?
ReplyDeleteLO, I'm so sorry you're dealing with it too.
ReplyDeleteSEparating MY sleep issues from his was the first step (for me, weaning compeletely); that opened up all sort of medical options for ME. Aging has helped too--reaching about 22-3 lbs and acually EATING FOOD DURING THE DAY. Excuse the typos; that's the lunesta talking.
The siren call of frozen embryos. It's real. And I really can't use them all.
ReplyDeletemaybe in all your spare time, you could, you know, babysit an infant. Except that this might increase the baby lust. I think less sleep might indeed be the ticket.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I hear you. Babies are so incredibly delicious.
You're not the only one. My latest post is also about this. Apparently when the babyhood is truly done, that is when you miss it the most, sleep deprivation and all. Learning to live with this unsatisfied baby lust is something both old and new. Perhaps nothing is truly old OR new in the world, just for us, as individuals. Alright, I am all out of clichés, I'm going to bed.
ReplyDelete