School starts tomorrow. And I went back to my old therapist today, mostly because it's a safe space to cry. And she saw me through 2010-2011 so, you know, there's that.
So I'm in a space that I really need to--want to--strategize. I was going to write this all out longhand and decided if I did it here (well, not the work specifics, but the other stuff) you might have some thoughts. You people are good for that stuff.
*
Some observations and big thoughts:
1) Mostly I need to accept the fact that I am still not functioning 100% and really won't until, at minimum, I get more sleep. I am working on that, steadily, but everything with Tiny Boy is slow going.
2) So I need to be kind to myself and recognize I'm going to have good days and not good days and use the good ones and muddle through the bad ones (like today, today is BAD, because a kid woke me at 11:30 and I didn't go back to sleep until almost 1:00 [I think, it's hard to remember] and then at 4:30 and then the other one woke up at 5:30 and both of them were in my bed being generally annoying by 6:30).
3) Although it is hard to remember sometimes, work should not be about things like my ego (and the perfectionism that goes along with it). Work should be a tool by which I earn money so I can actually live in my house and pay my bills. That's it.
4) Money is also useful for cutting down on stress. I need to remember to USE IT.
*
Some things I can do (or need to do):
1. Suck it up and outsource. (a) I hired a landscaper to do a general cleanup of my yard. I feel much better, and that's HOURS of unpleasant work I don't need to do now. I don't have the tools to do it well, and since I'm allergic to all of nature, it is not a pleasant experience, even though I like the IDEA of working in my yard. (b) I'm having a student (who works at a daycare) come by for a couple hours on weekends (maybe twice a month?) so I can regroup for the week. I can grade or I can do other stuff or just go grocery shopping without chasing my son. (c) I should probably have someone come in to clean the house once a month...but I'll wait on that for a bit.
2. Be better about meal-planning. Cloud has a post up about her family's method that I really enjoyed. Her particular plan won't work with my family's issues, but I very much like the idea, which is basically repetition with a difference. I need to think this through a bit more but something like: Sunday: big piece of meat in crockpot; Monday: beans and rice; Tuesday: taco/quesadilla (can involve the crockpot meat or leftover beans) ; Wednesday: pasta for kids, leftovers for me; Thursday: stew/soup; Friday: sandwiches; Saturday: open
3. Do the important things before the seemingly urgent as much as possible. Now I don't mean the REALLY urgent things. But there's a way that things that pop up over email seem like they need to be done now, when they really don't. I expect that will be happening even more now that I'm an administrator. I think I probably need to have a set time of day I check email and just stick with it.
*
And now, given that I am fucking EXHAUSTED and I have not technically gone back to work yet, I am going to watch a DVD while ironing something to wear tomorrow.
So I'm in a space that I really need to--want to--strategize. I was going to write this all out longhand and decided if I did it here (well, not the work specifics, but the other stuff) you might have some thoughts. You people are good for that stuff.
*
Some observations and big thoughts:
1) Mostly I need to accept the fact that I am still not functioning 100% and really won't until, at minimum, I get more sleep. I am working on that, steadily, but everything with Tiny Boy is slow going.
2) So I need to be kind to myself and recognize I'm going to have good days and not good days and use the good ones and muddle through the bad ones (like today, today is BAD, because a kid woke me at 11:30 and I didn't go back to sleep until almost 1:00 [I think, it's hard to remember] and then at 4:30 and then the other one woke up at 5:30 and both of them were in my bed being generally annoying by 6:30).
3) Although it is hard to remember sometimes, work should not be about things like my ego (and the perfectionism that goes along with it). Work should be a tool by which I earn money so I can actually live in my house and pay my bills. That's it.
4) Money is also useful for cutting down on stress. I need to remember to USE IT.
*
Some things I can do (or need to do):
1. Suck it up and outsource. (a) I hired a landscaper to do a general cleanup of my yard. I feel much better, and that's HOURS of unpleasant work I don't need to do now. I don't have the tools to do it well, and since I'm allergic to all of nature, it is not a pleasant experience, even though I like the IDEA of working in my yard. (b) I'm having a student (who works at a daycare) come by for a couple hours on weekends (maybe twice a month?) so I can regroup for the week. I can grade or I can do other stuff or just go grocery shopping without chasing my son. (c) I should probably have someone come in to clean the house once a month...but I'll wait on that for a bit.
2. Be better about meal-planning. Cloud has a post up about her family's method that I really enjoyed. Her particular plan won't work with my family's issues, but I very much like the idea, which is basically repetition with a difference. I need to think this through a bit more but something like: Sunday: big piece of meat in crockpot; Monday: beans and rice; Tuesday: taco/quesadilla (can involve the crockpot meat or leftover beans) ; Wednesday: pasta for kids, leftovers for me; Thursday: stew/soup; Friday: sandwiches; Saturday: open
3. Do the important things before the seemingly urgent as much as possible. Now I don't mean the REALLY urgent things. But there's a way that things that pop up over email seem like they need to be done now, when they really don't. I expect that will be happening even more now that I'm an administrator. I think I probably need to have a set time of day I check email and just stick with it.
*
And now, given that I am fucking EXHAUSTED and I have not technically gone back to work yet, I am going to watch a DVD while ironing something to wear tomorrow.
UGH. I totally agree with the outsourcing recommendation, though. My therapist told me the same thing. I'm not superwoman. I was shocked. "Really? How can that be?"
ReplyDeleteYeah. I'm working on it.
If you can afford to outsource definitely do that. Right now all I can afford is someone to mow, but I consider it worth it. Besides freeing up the time it would take to do it, it also frees up the mind space if thinking "I have to get _____ done." I know I hate paying someone to do something I can do myself but the stress reduction is worth it.
ReplyDeleteMeal planning is helpful too. I haven't clicked on the link yet but that sounds very similar to what I do. I also basically have a two week rotation we go through. I plan ahead enough so that the crock pot meat meal is on a day I don't have time during the day to mess with a lot of prep, but will have time to sit down for a meal and then leftovers a couple of nights later when I need to reheat and go. Planning ahead, and using the two week ration had help free up the amount of time and energy I use thinking and planning meals on a daily basis. It also makes grocery shopping easier and after a couple if months I found my grocery bill dropping because I was only buying what we needed for meals and not a lot of extras that we might need.
I like your plans! It's all very sensible and smart. Now you just have to pull it off...
ReplyDelete