Yesterday was one of those lovely first sips of spring that I associate with end of the academic year. Trees blossoming all over campus. Warm enough that my students asked if we could sit outside. I walked from my building, crossing the bridge that separates north and south campus, to the parking garage, thinking about what summer will bring.
I'm still mulling over this mid-career crisis. This isn't a bad thing. It's pushing me to think about why I do what I do. The truth is I like being an academic. I like teaching, reading, writing, even attending (well-run) meetings. Mostly I like the particular university (and college and department) that employs me. I recognize that in the general economic climate, and in the particular climate of shrinking professoriate, I have a really good gig. (I'm underpaid, though less so than I was a year ago, but I still have a good gig.) It really sucks that having one very loud, very challenging colleague has called all this into question for me. But the outcome of thinking it through, separate from my dealings with her, not so bad.
Our dean sent out a job posting today for another (new) administrative position for another (new) program. I don't know that I'll apply, as I need to get a better sense of what the day-to-day job looks like. I'm not unqualified for it. And it might allow me to move gracefully into a new phase of my career. What's very clear to me is that although I do like talking with grad students about their projects, undergraduate education is where my heart is. But if I'm going to advocate for students, I need to do it in a context where I am supported by colleagues and the upper administration, not challenged. But giving up administration and returning to the classroom full-time, also not unappealing. So we'll see...
I'm still mulling over this mid-career crisis. This isn't a bad thing. It's pushing me to think about why I do what I do. The truth is I like being an academic. I like teaching, reading, writing, even attending (well-run) meetings. Mostly I like the particular university (and college and department) that employs me. I recognize that in the general economic climate, and in the particular climate of shrinking professoriate, I have a really good gig. (I'm underpaid, though less so than I was a year ago, but I still have a good gig.) It really sucks that having one very loud, very challenging colleague has called all this into question for me. But the outcome of thinking it through, separate from my dealings with her, not so bad.
Our dean sent out a job posting today for another (new) administrative position for another (new) program. I don't know that I'll apply, as I need to get a better sense of what the day-to-day job looks like. I'm not unqualified for it. And it might allow me to move gracefully into a new phase of my career. What's very clear to me is that although I do like talking with grad students about their projects, undergraduate education is where my heart is. But if I'm going to advocate for students, I need to do it in a context where I am supported by colleagues and the upper administration, not challenged. But giving up administration and returning to the classroom full-time, also not unappealing. So we'll see...
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