Quitting

Well, I didn't exactly quit given that I didn't have a contract...I just said I'm done.

Although I'll probably end up doing most of the work I've been doing as an administrator (there are only so many people around), I have already taken my position out of my email signature.  I'm hoping this means no more direct contact with THE CRAZY if I'm not the one responsible.

I feel so horrible for my (brand spanking new) department chair.  But getting literally sick to my stomach at the thought of scheduling a meeting?  Yeah.  I'm out.*





* I will probably owe my department in the form of a course or service overload at some point.  Small potatoes.

On Being a Academic, Mid-Career

Yesterday was one of those lovely first sips of spring that I associate with end of the academic year. Trees blossoming all over campus.  Warm enough that my students asked if we could sit outside.  I walked from my building, crossing the bridge that separates north and south campus, to the parking garage, thinking about what summer will bring.

I'm still mulling over this mid-career crisis.  This isn't a bad thing.  It's pushing me to think about why I do what I do.  The truth is I like being an academic.  I like teaching, reading, writing, even attending (well-run) meetings.  Mostly I like the particular university (and college and department) that employs me. I recognize that in the general economic climate, and in the particular climate of shrinking professoriate, I have a really good gig.  (I'm underpaid, though less so than I was a year ago, but I still have a good gig.)  It really sucks that having one very loud, very challenging colleague has called all this into question for me.  But the outcome of thinking it through, separate from my dealings with her, not so bad.

Our dean sent out a job posting today for another (new) administrative position for another (new) program.  I don't know that I'll apply, as I need to get a better sense of what the day-to-day job looks like.  I'm not unqualified for it.  And it might allow me to move gracefully into a new phase of my career.  What's very clear to me is that although I do like talking with grad students about their projects, undergraduate education is where my heart is.  But if I'm going to advocate for students, I need to do it in a context where I am supported by colleagues and the upper administration, not challenged.  But giving up administration and returning to the classroom full-time, also not unappealing.  So we'll see...

This Whole Job Thing

Thank y'all for indulging this conversation about my job situation.  It's been useful for me to think through why it is I'm doing what I'm doing, what I need to do to be happy, etc.  Not sure I've completely figured it out.  Some of the parts:

1. My admin job, as I've talked about, is a hodge-podge of responsibilities.  This is the end of my third year.  I've accomplished some things, including revamping the curriculum (not rubber-stamped yet, but in the works), starting a student internship program, relocating our student publication back in house and going digital.  I've also resurrected a guest writer series.  This is kind of enough to feel like I've done something in my time.

2. All of this stuff I like, in theory.  I'm not majorly passionate about it, but I like it.  I've been told I run good events, that I have some good administrative skills.

3. The idea of giving it up made me sad, mostly because it felt like quitting in a huff because I have a colleague I really can't work with.  But when I think of #1 and the fact that I've really done a full term in this role...I'm leaning toward letting my chair know I'll be done in Dec.  Our new chair can decide what to do with that info.

4. Most of what I like about the job is (a) feeling involved in something bigger than myself, (b) creating good co-curricular experiences for students, (c) meeting new writers, and, (d) collaborative work across the university. The truth is I can keep doing all that stuff without the admin job...it would just be harder to have access to the funds I use to bring folks in.  Not impossible, though, and just more self-interested.

5. I know if I step down the program will die a painful slow death.  Really, the only one who could possibly take on the job is my psychotic junior colleague.  And I don't see my dept chair appointing her, or anybody really supporting that possibility.

There's probably some other variables here.... I'm having coffee with one of my colleagues in another unit tomorrow (a frequently collaborator) and I really am interested in feeling her out about the possibility of my moving, or maybe shifting into a joint appointment.  She's in a parallel administrative role, and nearing retirement, and I do wonder about whether there might be an opening for me.  I think mostly I want to feel like I'm not giving up so much as figuring out a way to grow professionally.  But I also heard through the grapevine that the psychotic one attacked another senior colleague over email... so we'll see what happens.

Dealing with the Crazy

So...as I've alluded to (stated outright?) I have a batshit crazy colleague.  (Actually multiple, but only this one takes it to a level that makes me want to quit my job.)  I'm really at a loss for what to do.  It's at a point that every time I send an email to folks in my program I know she'll find some problem with some small detail and blow it way out of proportion.  She'll use words like "equity" and "fairness" which makes it very difficult to disagree with her without coming across as an asshole, but what fairness really means is that she gets what she wants (that is, the definition is constantly changing).  So spring break began for me with an email from her telling me I'm violating guidelines (that I made, and that she and all other faculty approved) because I asked her for clarification.  Had I not asked her for clarification on this particular issue (that is to say, had I not given her the benefit of the doubt but just plowed ahead based on the limited information she provided) there would have been nothing for her to take issue with.  She is, in the words of another colleague, a bully.  Which is not a word I would have used, but I think it's right.  And there's really no one to talk to (I have cc'd my dept chair from time to time, but I'm trying to be discrete, and professional, as she is a junior person) and even when I've explained the situation to friends who haven't been the target, I sound paranoid.  I'm pretty fair-minded, even-tempered, and diplomatic when it comes to my job; I certainly don't like everybody, but she is literally the only person I simply cannot work with.  And that's going to be a big fat mess when she goes up for tenure.

What We're Good At Isn't Necessarily Good For Us

So my major time suck for the week is being on a search committee for a major admin position.

We're talking to all kinds of fabulous people I'd love to hire.  Really.

And asked about why they want to move into a major admin position, they are mostly citing things about how they're "good at" it.

And what has struck me as a "minor" or "low level" administrator...although I might be good at it on some level (I can get along with all of my colleagues except one; I can handle detail and minutiae; I can manage a budget; I can make decisions about the program and not the individual, etc) I'm not entirely sure I like it.  And I know it's not healthy for me as a long-term plan.

So this is something I need to do something about.  Namely, ask for more, so the reward is higher and/or the work easier, or stop doing it.