I decided to jump back into my own blog because I was leaving a really long comment on SHU's about Cal Newport, whose work I have been reading off and on for about a decade. For some reason (he's a dude?) he irks some of you who read around in these parts. He doesn't push my buttons, while other time management type writers who shall remain nameless induce nothing short of rage. Anyway.
This is not advice. What works for one person does not work for another person. So much varies (health, job, kids, spouse, socio economic class, etc). I get that. So let me say a bit about how things go in my world (if you are just joining: single mother with two children, currently aged 8 and 16, professor of humanities at a research intensive (R1) institution). Anyway.
Say the most important thing (not the most urgent thing, the most important thing) to my work and also/therefore my mental health is WRITING. Say I have only an hour a day of childcare* and only then because my teenager has agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to provide it (see April-June 2020). Should I use that time to go to the grocery store? No. Should I use that time to check email? No. Should I be on a zoom call? Probably not.** Should I take a walk? Maybe. Should I write? Yup. But if there's a reason I can't (like I didn't sleep or have a migraine and can't think straight, then maybe take that walk or read or sleep or do something that supports future writing). Do I answer the phone or texts during this time? No. Absolutely no. Do I talk to my kid during this time? No, I really try not to, not unless it rises to the level of actual emergency that teenager cannot possibly handle. Sometimes that means I need to work in the car (yes, for real), although I have a lovely home office.
I'm not saying this is easy. I'm not saying it works all the time. I'm writing this largely as a reminder to myself, when things get much harder in August, because they will. DEEP WORK FIRST.
*
Deep work is hard. It needs to be supported with other behaviors and is more challenging due to particular life circumstances.*** And from what I've read of Cal's work, I really admire his ability to do so (I have absolutely no idea about his childcare arrangement with his wife, and it might in fact be he's a patriarchal asshole who doesn't do much, but I'm not going to assume). It's a lot easier to look at someone else's life and dole out advice than it is to look at your own (you, the general you here, and I'm speaking for and to myself, too).
Some things that I do (and don't do) that facilitate deep work, when I compare my life to others I know:
* By this, I mean any direct care that is not provided by directly you. That could be a spouse who resents you. It could be school. It could be a babysitter. It could be your snarky teenager, and yes you will pay for that later. Not saying it's ideal....but most people have more childcare safety net than they acknowledge compared to single parents.
** When I was down to one hour/day, I did not schedule any meeting via zoom during that one hour a day but used it for actual work. Tiny Boy watched a lot of TV while I zoomed.
*** Some things that would make deep work more challenging: larger childcare burden and/or, very young children, less $$, chronic pain, chronic insomnia.
This is not advice. What works for one person does not work for another person. So much varies (health, job, kids, spouse, socio economic class, etc). I get that. So let me say a bit about how things go in my world (if you are just joining: single mother with two children, currently aged 8 and 16, professor of humanities at a research intensive (R1) institution). Anyway.
Say the most important thing (not the most urgent thing, the most important thing) to my work and also/therefore my mental health is WRITING. Say I have only an hour a day of childcare* and only then because my teenager has agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to provide it (see April-June 2020). Should I use that time to go to the grocery store? No. Should I use that time to check email? No. Should I be on a zoom call? Probably not.** Should I take a walk? Maybe. Should I write? Yup. But if there's a reason I can't (like I didn't sleep or have a migraine and can't think straight, then maybe take that walk or read or sleep or do something that supports future writing). Do I answer the phone or texts during this time? No. Absolutely no. Do I talk to my kid during this time? No, I really try not to, not unless it rises to the level of actual emergency that teenager cannot possibly handle. Sometimes that means I need to work in the car (yes, for real), although I have a lovely home office.
I'm not saying this is easy. I'm not saying it works all the time. I'm writing this largely as a reminder to myself, when things get much harder in August, because they will. DEEP WORK FIRST.
*
Deep work is hard. It needs to be supported with other behaviors and is more challenging due to particular life circumstances.*** And from what I've read of Cal's work, I really admire his ability to do so (I have absolutely no idea about his childcare arrangement with his wife, and it might in fact be he's a patriarchal asshole who doesn't do much, but I'm not going to assume). It's a lot easier to look at someone else's life and dole out advice than it is to look at your own (you, the general you here, and I'm speaking for and to myself, too).
Some things that I do (and don't do) that facilitate deep work, when I compare my life to others I know:
- I prioritize sleep. After years as a chronic insomniac, sleep is my priority. Right now I am staying up relatively late (~11:30) but also sleeping relatively late (~7:00-7:30). I have high-ish sleep needs, and I know I am no good if I don't get enough sleep;
- I'm not on social media (except for occasionally cycling through twitter), and I don't really text (actually text threads, esp those involving multiple people, make me batshit crazy);
- I walk, and when I walk, I'm mostly not listening to podcasts or music; either I'm "multitasking" by talking on the phone or I'm thinking (about stuff I might be writing or teaching, or...)
- I limit the amount of time I'm on email and/or schedule email checking (better about this at certain times of year than others, to be sure);
- I do deep/meaningful work in the morning before I lose energy to other things;
- I know I have very limited time/energy and try to prioritize accordingly.
There's probably other stuff, but this is what comes to mind. My biggest challenge is Tiny Boy's need to TALK INCESSANTLY, and if kids are learning from home again in the fall, we will revisit. (Next up in therapy: impulse control!!) Right now, as long as I can get in reading/writing/walking daily I'm pretty happy. Now I am being beckoned to the inflatable pool to play "water park."
* By this, I mean any direct care that is not provided by directly you. That could be a spouse who resents you. It could be school. It could be a babysitter. It could be your snarky teenager, and yes you will pay for that later. Not saying it's ideal....but most people have more childcare safety net than they acknowledge compared to single parents.
** When I was down to one hour/day, I did not schedule any meeting via zoom during that one hour a day but used it for actual work. Tiny Boy watched a lot of TV while I zoomed.
*** Some things that would make deep work more challenging: larger childcare burden and/or, very young children, less $$, chronic pain, chronic insomnia.
"Right now, as long as I can get in reading/writing/walking daily I'm pretty happy." Yes. Thanks for this post; I need to get into and am slowly getting back into deep work. I haven't read Cal Newport. Which is the productivity guru that annoys you, if you can say?
ReplyDeleteRead that SHU post and comments. I don't follow Cal Newport but I dislike him already. He has popped up on my radar a few times in the past few years, and I dismiss him like most of my male colleagues. He can drone on about deep work when the invisible wife does the dirty work of parenting. Sure, he plays with kids, but everything is organized around his job(s). So he can kiss my ass.
ReplyDeletePart of it is that all dudes seem completely comfortable just ignoring their kids and the kids know that Mom is always the one to bug for stuff. My husband is teaching this summer, which is unusual but the department wanted to offer some summer courses and he has a 12-month contract (he's teaching staff) and couldn't say no). Anyway, the production around his 1 hr of day of teaching is insane. If I ever fussed about my teaching that much, I'd never get anything done. He adapted Eldest's room into a second office and he sits there 8 hours a day. He mostly farts around and I would if I could, too, but during that time I am with the kids, taking care of everything and still trying to work.
I have cooked every single meal for everyone since mid-March, because husband isn't comfortable with takeout. (It's easy to be uncomfortable with takeout when you don't have to cook.)
I have done 100% of all shopping since March.
I sit in our office and Smurf (youngest) sits at a makeshift desk next to me ALL FUCKING DAY. Chattering or raging at his game. Yes, since March. This is where I am supposed to work.
The only me time I get is the hour of walking I get per day. Otherwise it's constant interruptions. If I want peace, I have to put on headphones and turn on music.
Yes, the way I have to work is to put on headphones and turn on Spotify so I would drown the chatter from Smurf and yelling (playing games online with friends) from Middle Boy. This is also where I take my video calls. Yes, it's insane, but this is life.
Deep work? It took me months to finish a paper and still haven't revised a second. I try to write and revise some fiction, which also requires focus. I only get tiny bits and pieces.
Any deep work requires headphones and usually music. That is after I have fed everyone, until there's a new round of food requested of me.
Yes, I'm a little bitter.
You hang tight. You're doing amazing!
Xyk, yes, I have colleagues like that, too. But those colleagues don't actually prevent me from doing my work; I might hate them on committees but that's another story. My point is that "Cal Newport" seems to be standing in for other men (husbands and colleagues); we have absolutely no idea what his household looks like, how he behaves as a colleagues, how happy is marriage is, etc.
ReplyDeleteTheoretically when I'm on contract 40% of my effort should be on research; I know it's far less than that (because teaching and service take up a combined more than 60%) but even if it's 15% that's not nothing.
Undine, I'd prefer not to!
Also, Xyk, Tiny Boy similarly talks ALL THE FUCKING TIME. This is where my paid arrangement with LG comes in handy. They leave the house or I do (I've been sitting outside a lot).
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh at X’s post. My husband also had a flaming shit fit when we were looking for housing this summer and I found a 3BR and he *might* have had to work in a bedroom, or god forbid a nook in a common area. (He has been pretty good at going to the grocery store and cooking... sometimes, so I will give him credit for that.).
ReplyDeleteLast night I told my daughter over dinner that she was sexist, because she only ever bothered me when I was working. Even with a babysitter she still sometimes comes in to ask me for food.
The struggle is real.
I love doing deep thinking while walking. Also sleep = gold.