Some facts: I am avoiding checking work email and answering work email when I do check it (even if it would take about 30 seconds to do so). I am in a complete state of denial about summer school starting in two weeks and have done nothing beyond ordering books to prepare for my class. I am having angry conversations with my department chair (not in real life, only in my head) in which I go ballistic about his suggestion for me to do "service" for 9 weeks and not just give me a semester off (which would not be an issue if only I'd asked to take my grant in the spring instead of the fall but I didn't see this one coming). I am becoming more and more convinced that I might not get tenure, after all this drama.
In a nutshell, I'm brooding about work instead of brooding about gestating. And then I get angry that I am brooding about work and not just enjoying being pregnant. I am full of rage about this tenure debacle, and I do not like it. The end result is that I'm going to hate my department chair, even though I like him as a person and think he's a good chair, for all intents and purposes.
I need to figure out a productive way of relating to my department and the university. I don't want to become one of those bitter academics like my disseration director, who moves every 5 years or so because she makes enemies and thrives on drama and rage. I do not thrive on drama and rage.
I love my chosen profession. I like many things about my particular job within the profession. I would like to go back to being happy with the teaching and the writing and the dailiness of academe. I saw two colleagues at the farmer's market the other day, and another one this morning (turns out his kid and LG are doing the same summer camp), and they were such nice out-of-the-office interchanges with people who care about me professionally if not personally. But prolonging a tenure decision for eighteen fucking months after I submitted my materials is making me a raving lunatic. And I don't know what to do about it other than vent and have angry conversations in my head. Grrr.
I know we've "talked" about this and I know you don't have a reason technically to sue b/c nothing has been denied yet (and suing would suck anyway). Still. I think since the procedural part of your tenure application has been royally f*cked, you might have a case for a petition to some sort of faculty committee. We have at least 2 committees that I can think of who would handle a situation like yours. One deals with the professional interests of the faculty (and a tenure time line would fall under this) and the other committee is our governing body of fac. Neither are Tenure or Appeals committees. Could you possibly file a complaint with some other faculty body? Also, as much as anyone would hate to sue, I've noticed that even just an inquiry letter from an attorney (on your behalf) has a rather significant impact on a college's dean. They really start to hustle with how to fix the situation, at least in the stories I've heard.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I remember about your dept is that you do seem to have a good relationship overall with your chair. Yes? And with a few other members? My own dept is quite friendly but I've heard horror stories about depts where everyone hates each other and never speaks. On the bright side, at least that's not the case.
Thanks, Rebecca. Really, there's nothing for me to do, as all grievances go directly to the adminstrator who created this problem for me. Seriously.
ReplyDeleteAw. Shit. The entire academic structure is so arcane. And it's impossible to describe to anyone outside the system. So sucky that you have to deal with this right now. And I know you're probably sick of explaining the dead ends. And summer school on top of everything. I feel for you. I'm coming out of an extra teaching assignment myself and it has been most annoying b/c everyone else is off to their summer workshops or lounging around reading. ARGH! My only consolation is that I get extra pay (of course it'll have to go to home repairs, but at least we'll get something done). I'm hoping you'll at least make some extra dough for baby clothes shopping. :) Nothing like wee onesies, except of course wee feetsies.
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