I find it annoying that people--pregnant people, say--assume that all pregnant people are unhappy in their pregnant state, have partners who are less than helpful, and want the experience over and done with as soon as possible;
I find it annoying that my OB's office, careful as they are, decided that a sleeping baby on an NST warranted another BPP, even though I'm scheduled for another ultrasound on Thursday; if they had kept me on the monitor for 10 more minutes, the kid would have woken up (okay, I'm not really annoyed by the extra monitoring--I'm glad they're being careful--but it does feel like I spend half my week at the doctor's office);
I am also really ready to be done with the injections (as soon as I am done with this I need to take Heparin Shot #1 since 2004);
but mostly I am angry that the blissful-I-finally-got-pregnant feeling I had with LG was stolen from me by my own damn body and anxiety; I've had what has been an easy pregnancy from a physical standpoint but, other than a few weeks during the second trimester, it's been emotionally crazy. So much so, honestly, that as much as I'd like this little boy to stay in my body as long as he can, that I'm also ready for my doctor to say two days from now okay, time's up, let's schedule your c-section for this afternoon. I want a do-over. I want a pregnancy that doesn't start with low betas and a vanishing twin and small gestational sac syndrome and end up with IUGR. I want my son to be healthy, without having to fight so fucking hard.
And that's about all I can say in 5 minutes.
Go visit Maddy (Late for a Very Important Pregnancy). Do your own 5 minute post. Pass it on.
Kudos! That's a pretty damn good 5-minute post, my friend. You can tell you are a professional writer. :)
ReplyDeleteA do-over. Yeah. What a great thought. Although I've never been pregnant, I've been along for your ride and I can see how you feel like a joyful pregnancy was stolen from you. On paper, and probably to people who don't know you very well, it might seem like a perfectly "normal" pregnancy, but those of us who read your blog know that much of it has been tough - psychologically, emotionally, and physically. And that sucks, Gwinne. Although nothing can make up for that loss, here's hoping that you luck out by having an easy birth and not only a healthy, but a happy, sleeping, cuddly baby boy.
Thanks for venting with me. Hugs back atcha!
Love,
Maddy
Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYou know, my friend A. said pretty much the same thing to me the other day: that I *look* like a normal, healthy, happy pregnant woman. And then there's the list of bad acronyms at the top of my chart at the OB's office... and then there's what you see here.
I really like your 5-minute post idea (obviously!). I hope it catches on!!!
oof. that doesn't sound like fun.
ReplyDeletei think anyone who goes through infertility has a completely different approach to pregnancy and birth than the "normals".
i hope everything turns out well and that your little boy is healthy and everything you dreamed he could be and more.