All the Email

I am on work email these days in the hour of 7:30-8:30 while I am also getting Tiny Boy ready for school.  He does math. I do email. He watches TV.  I do email.  Etc.  Several days this week I woke to a series of emails from my chair that he sent around 10 pm.  And then we began trading replies back and forth in these early morning hours.  He also has school-aged children.  I will say I was quite grateful that last night, as he sent the 5 pm Friday email, he also said he'd refrain from sending us email over the weekend, though we were free to reach out to him anytime (old colleague! new chair!).

I am not saying anything earth shattering. I am struck more and more by how much email=work. Organizing a visit for a guest writer? Email.  Reminding my students what they need to read for next week? Email. Revising the program website? Email. I could go on.  If email is not always itself the method of doing work, it is the method of communicating and disseminating the work. I can't think of an aspect of my job that does not entail some email.

So much of this email work is delegation or trading work back and forth.  I need a conference room reserved so I can check that off my list?  I ask our assistant (over email).  My chair needs us to read documents to contribute to our fall planning letter?  Yup, that's an email (with attachment!).

I'm even asked to do things over email that are not rightly mine to do.  (i.e. random high school kids emailing me for help with their book report)

I feel like for the most part I have reasonably good email habits.  (They could probably be better.  And I need to think seriously about how.)  But as I've been paying more attention to how I spend my time I am quite struck by how much of it is spent emailing.  Because most of my admin work involves email.  And this right here is why I absolutely refuse to accept student work over email (I've started using our course management system for some things but mostly still prefer paper)

How did faculty do work prior to 1994? (For  me, that was the beginning of email.  And graduate school.  For others it might have been slightly earlier or later.)

Anyway, if you have ANSWERS about how to deal with all the email, let's talk!

Things That Are a Colossal Waste of My Time

1. Sitting in on a graduate student's class that is, I kid you not, 100% student presentations.
2. Judging an undergraduate research forum in which half the presenters don't show up.
3. Going through files of colleagues who fail to organize or remove out of date material.

See, I don't mind these various responsibilities.  And in theory they are enjoyable parts of my job.  But when it means leaving my 5-month-old with a babysitter?  I'm annoyed, to say the least.

Things That Are Mildly Irritating

1. My neighbors having new siding put on their house, which has involved all kinds of banging, and small trees smacking the side of my house as they are cut to accommodate said work.
2. The nurse at the pediatrician's office setting up a referral without consulting me about which doctor I wanted to see, and then getting annoyed because I requested a change.  (I mean, she does get paid to do this, right?)
3. The chair of the current committee I'm on not knowing what he needs to provide us so that we can actually do our work.  I'm glad I'm not the only one sending gentle reminders.  Ahem.
4. Tiny Boy's babysitter not being able to console him when I'm home, which makes me freak out and not get work done, which is the whole point of having a babysitter.  I have other gripes about her, but I've decided to suck it up and deal with it since I only need her to work for about 10 more days.
5. Summer weather when its barely spring.

Course in the whole scheme of things, and considering where I was a year ago, this is piddly stuff.  But still.  And you know, I've heard that blogging shouldn't be all sunshine and roses, so here's some griping for you.  Kidding.  Sort of.

This is the Year of Peace, man.  Seriously.

For Maddy: A 5-minute post

I find it annoying that people--pregnant people, say--assume that all pregnant people are unhappy in their pregnant state, have partners who are less than helpful, and want the experience over and done with as soon as possible;

I find it annoying that my OB's office, careful as they are, decided that a sleeping baby on an NST warranted another BPP, even though I'm scheduled for another ultrasound on Thursday; if they had kept me on the monitor for 10 more minutes, the kid would have woken up (okay, I'm not really annoyed by the extra monitoring--I'm glad they're being careful--but it does feel like I spend half my week at the doctor's office);

I am also really ready to be done with the injections (as soon as I am done with this I need to take Heparin Shot #1 since 2004);

but mostly I am angry that the blissful-I-finally-got-pregnant feeling I had with LG was stolen from me by my own damn body and anxiety; I've had what has been an easy pregnancy from a physical standpoint but, other than a few weeks during the second trimester, it's been emotionally crazy.  So much so, honestly, that as much as I'd like this little boy to stay in my body as long as he can, that I'm also ready for my doctor to say two days from now okay, time's up, let's schedule your c-section for this afternoon.  I want a do-over.  I want a pregnancy that doesn't start with low betas and a vanishing twin and small gestational sac syndrome and end up with IUGR.  I want my son to be healthy, without having to fight so fucking hard.

And that's about all I can say in 5 minutes. 

Go visit Maddy (Late for a Very Important Pregnancy).  Do your own 5 minute post.  Pass it on.

Yes, I am a control freak

So I'm in charge of this Big Deal departmental event tomorrow, something that my chair has sunk a fair amount of money into, even though we've got a major budgetary crisis going on.  And yesterday, a fucking TWO DAYS before the event, it comes to my attention that a) our contract has not yet been signed for the venue and b) we have not yet paid.  And the student working with me on this--it's a student organization thing--has not really followed through in terms of the planning of what will actually happen during the 3 hrs we will be at said venue.

My department chair apparently does not answer emails.
My department secretary apparently does not answer her phone.
And apparently either does our contact person at the venue.
And the student is AWOL.

Which is to say I spent way too much time today freaking out about something I cannot control.  I mean, I can't pay without an account number.  I can't get an account number unless the secretary gives it to me.  She won't give it to me unless the chair tells her that he's authorized all this.

So finally the contact at the venue called me and said that indeed the secretary gave her the secret password, the student brought over the signed contract, and we are good to go.  Would be nice if anyone had actually bothered to tell me this before the freakout.  Because Boy-o and I really don't need this right now.

Occurs to me this feels a whole lot like doing DE and waiting for people to do their jobs and worrying that they weren't doing their jobs.

I really could use a glass of wine, people.  And this little boy to get his head out of my rib cage. 

Argh.

A Very Small Rant

You know what's moderately irritating?  That the academic journal that has had my "final" copy of this essay for two years finally sent me their copy-edited version and would like it returned within two weeks.

The good thing is that the work they want me to do on it is so minimal that their deadline is not actually a problem.  And unlike the majority of the editors I've worked with, they are not being assholes.

And the better thing is that I can actually say I published something in 2011, because it's been a very very sad year on my CV.

That's all, folks.

Random Bullets of Life on Lupron

• Right now (knock wood) life on lupron is tolerable. I decided my hot flashes were actually just the result of working in an old building with steam heat, because they don't seem to hit me at home. And the headache? Well, either that was a byproduct of the cold and/or taking estrogen along with lupron does indeed cancel things out. My mood is good enough that I think my E2 level is relatively high. But who knows.
• I am officially afraid to open my work email. Every time I do there is either (or both) a request from a student to do something else (oh, the late requests for letters of rec!) or an update from my chair about ongoing search drama. Urgh.
• The upside is that I am so completely overwhelmed with what needs to happen before March 1 that I'm sort of blase about all of it. It's just a matter of triage and checking the next thing off the list.
• My students are sick and they have hit a pre-midterm slump. I'd like to rally and have energy for them, but I just can't.
• LG started crying tonight when she realized that chocolate frosting is not conducive to making all kinds of colored swirls and such. So it looks like I'm making my own margarine-and-confectioner's sugar version in light blue, so she can dump colored sugar on it in the morning. Oh well.
• After a lot of rigamarole (anyone else here over the age of 25 need her mother's authorization to take her own money out of the stock market?!) I am finally in posession of the Big Check that will allow me to pay Dr. Gorgeous for the DE cycle.
• I have decided the Thing on My Left Ovary is either smaller or larger. But it's doing something, because it's popping and I'm spotting. Sorta like ovulation. Shit. We'll see what happens tomorrow.
• Tonight: making frosting, reading a job candidate's writing sample, shaving my legs, finishing a book for class, and, hopefully, watching 45 minutes of TV. The craziness really starts at 8:00 tomorrow.

What a Day

1. IUI #20 (is it seriously that many?) is done. I didn't cry, but I didn't feel particularly happy about it either, even in the Harmony Room. Great count, but I bled copiously afterward. I think I can say with the utmost certainty that is the last IUI I will ever have in my life. (Never say never, I know.)
2. Within 2 minutes of leaving Dr. Gorgeous's office--I wasn't even on the main road yet--I was involved in a fender-bender. No damage to my car, minimal damage to the other party's car, but the upshot was I was about fifteen minutes late to class (which is, frankly, amazing, and it's pretty damn astonishing I've never been late before doing the inter-class drive). I am grateful that's a drive I will NEVER make again between classes.
3. I am completely in love with my intro class, even if it is in a room that--I kid you not--bears the moniker "the dungeon." If it didn't have windows, I'd be wicked claustrophobic in there.
4. A friend came over for wine night, which I completely needed after #1 and 2. I'm sure the acupuncturist will be less than impressed with my decaf-with-milk-and-sugar+alcohol tongue. But whatever.
5. I finally checked my email and found this, which my chair sent this morning: Dear Gwinne, This is to inform you, following university policy, that I have formally recommended to the Dean that you be promoted to Associate Professor and granted tenure. Second hurdle down, many more to go.

Random Moments of Stupidity

1. I forgot to leave the area code as part of a fax number when I called Dr. Gorgeous's nurse.
2. However, the fact that I did say what city it was in, not to mention the fact that Dr. Gorgeous regularly refers to this person, should mean that the nurse should have been able to figure it out without calling me directly.
3. Students, writing about a person whose last name is something like "Van A" keep calling him "A." The fact that the book is in alphabetical order and this guy's name appears with the V's, not the A's, clearly didn't dawn on them.
4. Likewise, who really thinks a person named Naomi is a man? But she's been "he" in many a paper.

There are bigger crabbies. The fact that I can't cope with these small crabbies suggests something about the larger instability of my mood. I fucking hate Femara.

Vodka Night

I don't even know where to start.

I guess I'll start by saying that I'm okay (relatively speaking), LG is okay (relatively speaking), and thankfully I have an acupuncture session this afternoon, at which time I will request that valium-like-needle-in-the-head trick.

Backing up. Wednesdays are always crazy days. Yesterday I got up, did the usual morning routine, put LG on the bus at 8:08, went to have my blood drawn. By 9:00 I was back in my office half-prepping for class, half-reading about DE on the 'net. Then a two hour class, followed by a 10 minute lunch, a two hour meeting (that really could have been cut in half), another class. At the end of class #2, my cell phone started flashing to show an incoming call, which I assumed to be Dr. Gorgeous's office calling with the bad news. I happened to glance down at the number and it was a local area code. LG's school? I ignored it. Ten minutes later, the same number. I'm trying not to panic, not to dismiss class early, wondering who the fuck is calling me (you have to understand, I'm not a cell phone person; most of my friends don't even have the number and those who do know not to use it except in emergency circumstances; mostly, it's LG's school and Dr. Gorgeous's office). So, the minute I get rid of my students I check my messages only to find out that yes it was LG's teacher and there's some confusion about whether LG is supposed to go to after care or go home on the bus, so I wanted you to know she's on the bus. No additional messages. Oh-kay.

Thankfully the receptionist answered when I called, and by this point LG's teacher had figured out she'd fucked up royally and LG was being brought back to school. That meant she'd been sitting on a bus for *50 minutes* and actually had to transfer busses at her own bus stop, where one of our neighbors said, of course, it would be fine for LG to come home with them for a bit, but legally, of course, the school couldn't do that. To make this long story somewhat shorter: LG's teacher was profusely apologetic (to me), but I had a panicked, crying kid, and I ended up panicked and crying (in front of LG no less) and went home and drank a lot of vodka. But, seriously, why the fuck would an experienced teacher listen to a confused six-year-old instead of checking her formal transportation plan? And when in doubt, KEEP THE KID AT SCHOOL UNTIL YOU CAN REACH HER PARENT. DO NOT PUT HER ON A BUS. What if they hadn't caught this? What if our neighbors weren't at the bus stop that day? How much worse could this situation have been?

*

This morning, then, as I am ever-so-slightly blah from the vodka and the crying (I really need to get my coffee), I get an email from my department chair saying that the director of the cool summer program wants my course description ASAP. Yeah, I sort of sent that in four weeks ago, when I was asked to do it. Being relatively passive aggressive, instead of just resending the attachment, I forwarded my original message, with time/date stamp, and cc'd my chair. Then the director woman actually sends me a message that says somehow it never "made it past" her assistant, when I sent it TO HER DIRECTLY (as well as to the assistant).

*

And yesterday I was asked to sit on the editorial board of (yet another) student journal on campus. And before I even said yes, they apparently added me to their email list and I have been slammed by a ton of messages I would rather not wade through.

There are other annoyances I don't have the energy to detail. Suffice it to say, I'm more than a bit frayed at the edges...

The Day of Home Repair

Have I mentioned that I live in an old house? It's a lovely 1941 Cape Cod, situated in a historic district. Its previous owners, lovely people, did very little in terms of upkeep, at least as far as I can tell. I've also done minimal work, mostly things that needed to be done on an urgent basis, particularly over the last two years as most of my money and energy went toward the baby project. Well, most of my money is still going toward the baby project. Today, however, I met with (1) a wildlife specialist to deal with the bats that are finding their way into the house (the good news is he doesn't think they're actually living here, the bad news is IVF Kitten might have been exposed to rabies before he's had a rabies vaccine), (2) a window salesman, which will necessitate further phone calls to the historic district commission (or, as my handyman calls it, the hysterical society), before I can commit to putting new, non-leaking windows in LG's bedroom, (3) a dishwasher repair guy, and (4) my usual handyman, who reinstalled the light fixture I pulled down after the leaky toilet incident last week and then couldn't manage to redo, and who gave me an estimate on replacing my kitchen door with one that is actually legal (apparently, you need a firedoor between a kitchen and a garage--who knew?).

That is to say, I didn't get much done in the way of that thing called work. Good thing there's a long weekend coming up. (Ha!)

On Second Thought

I have now commented on drafts of 8 essays from Class #1. They stopped being interesting after the first 3.

I still have 2 final drafts from Class #1 and 8 short essays and 30 in class writing assignments from Class #2 that theoretically I need to have graded by Monday.

I'm ready to poke my eyes out with a fork.

Students, oh the students

Let me preface this post by saying loud and clear I like teaching. It's probably the main reason I'm in a university and not working some 9-5 job and writing at night. But, as it's exam week, let's talk about some of the ridiculousness, shall we? Some scenarios from the week:

• Multiple students emailing me questions about how to organize their final projects. The guidelines that are important are clearly spelled out on the assignment sheet (how many copies, what order, etc). They had multiple opportunities--as in, every class period since midterm--to ask me any other question they had. So what is up with the last minute email panic?
• On that note, one of my best students--I like this guy a lot--emailed to ask me if I'd send him another copy of the assignment sheet because, get this, he gave his to a classmate who hasn't shown up in, like, two months!
• A student who put her name on every page of her blue book exam, which sort of defeats the purpose of a blue book, which is anonymity!
• A student I'm writing a letter of recommendation for gave me his materials after one of his deadlines already passed. And I'm supposed to say how responsible and mature he is? WTF?

I think those are the prize-winners for the week. I am done grading the exams for one class. I have written one of three letters of rec. I still need to write two more letters, calculate grades for class #1 (yes, I'm an idiot who uses a paper gradebook), and do the grading for class #2 when it all rolls in tomorrow. In the middle, there's the Dr. Gorgeous Debriefing this afternoon...

All the Rest

A disclaimer, before I get going: I am still quite grateful for my list of 37 and the many other big and small good things in my life (mostly, health, LG, family, friends, having a job). That doesn't mean I can't get pissy about things sometimes, and that's how I'm feeling right now. Some things that are going on that make me crabby:

• Students plagiarizing papers. I made a huge speech in my class yesterday, a class with a clump of suspected plagiarists, clarifying the academic integrity policy of the class and asking people to come forward if they had violated the policy. The result was a good THIRD of the class emailing to ask me if I suspected her/him of plagiarizing. SO NOT THE POINT.
• This damn cold. I think the old one was almost gone and a new one came to take its place, but snot is running down my throat, and that's just nasty.
• A colleague in another unit (whom I've never even met) taking advantage of my generosity in doing her a favor and asking me to do it again.
• I forgot to renew my car's registration (which expired on my birthday), which means spending time at a government branch office to write them a check, now with a ten dollar late fee. Dumb dumb dumb.
• Too much email from students (see #1).
• Apparently LG has a field trip today. I would have liked to have been notified before yesterday of this event, even if it is free. Perhaps I would have liked to accompany her?
• I'm just feeling OFF. Not pregnant. Just OFF. I fully expect a negative beta on Friday or Saturday, whenever I choose to get my blood drawn.

The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

So one of my favorite children's books is Judith Viorst's Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. LG and I read it when we are having, as we put it, "a terrible horrible" (no noun necessary). I do have a list of small good things, but I'll save them for tomorrow. Right now, I'm mostly feeling the horrible. I suppose this is a continuation of the morning's list.

It's just one of those days when you crack an egg and spill egg guts all over the counter, and the peas explode in the microwave, and pot roast juice spills on the floor, and the kid gets puke all over the bathroom rug. You know how it goes. No major life altering horribles today (thank goodness!), just run of the mill, post-Ovidrel, pre-IUI, currently-ill crabbies. I can't tell if this overwhelming exhaustion is the Ovidrel or the oncoming cold or both (probably both). But it's the kind of day that I just want to crawl back in bed and forget about life for a while. Instead, we spent four hours outside at two different parks and then baked cookies (some for LG, some for the nurses, some for me because I'm desperate for wheat-free treats) and, finally, she watched half of The Sound of Music while I collapsed and folded some clothes.

It's not yet 7:30. I have done nothing of the Sunday rituals, nothing I really need to do to prep for my classes tomorrow. But I'd like to take a shower and go to bed. Good night, y'all.

Whining at 8dp3dt

• I have that tickle in the back of my throat that usually precedes a cold. LG reports that only 6 of 14 children were present today (while I do question her math skills, I did receive an email from the principal regarding the high number of recent absences, possibly due to H1N1). Let me say it loudly, in case the universe is listening: I do not want swine flu in my house!
• The headache? It is back. While I might hope that this is the headache that comes with early pregnancy, I am afraid it's the headache that comes with a rapid drop of progesterone and the onset of a new cycle.
• What is up with the random email requests from students I don't know who want to interview me (good lord) in regard to subjects I know nothing about but fall somewhere under the vague heading of my larger discipline?
• Why are my own students all freaking out and anxious? I mean, I understand they have a midterm and all, but they generated their own essay topics in class!
• I lost two hours of much-needed progesterone sleep last night because LG woke me up with some weird moaning noise. And the light was on. And her pacifier was missing. And once I'm out of bed dealing with kid stuff, I'm done sleeping.

Now I am going to watch TV on one of the two channels that actually comes in, drink some hot tea, and wallow. Care to join me?

Why does this bug me?

Sometime over the past week LG has started calling me "Mother." Not Mom-Mom, not Mama, not Mommy, not Mom, or even my first name (which is not actually Gwinne, by the way), but MOTHER. I have no idea why. She's not even saying it with that tone of exasperation I could imagine in an older child. But it's making me nuts.

Right now she's off chanting "My mother's name is Mommy," trying to retrain herself. That's sort of hilarious.

Setting Boundaries, Saying No

Lately I've run into many situations that require me to think about setting boundaries with students and what I am and am not willing to do. More specifically, I've had a number of students ask me for things that they see as their right and I see as me granting them a favor that will in no way affect my annual review or my tenure file. These include:

• A graduate student asking to meet with me to talk about a book project (that has nothing to do with her dissertation, and I am not on her committee, anyway). I happily agreed to the meeting, as it was during my office hours. I declined to read the entire book project.
• Multiple students asking for overrides into my courses, the caps for which are already set higher than they really should be. My usual policy is a flat out no, as students not being able to get into courses is really a problem to be dealt with by the administration, not me as an individual instructor (and if I let them in, and everyone else lets them in, then we're all doing extra work and the problem remains invisible). In the end, I let one into each of my courses, as I predicted/hoped that at least one person would drop. I was right about one class, at least.
• Multiple students asking me to do "honors options" with them. These I said yes to, as it ultimately amounts to me looking over an extra paper at the end of the semester, and offers the possibility of having them do presentations on their work (which might ultimately make class time easier for me).
• A student asking if she could "add" a credit to a 3-credit class because she is 1-credit short of graduating. I should have said no to that one but didn't, and now we're in negotiations of what kind of project she should do. I hope she realizes, as I keep adding extra requirements, that adding a credit hour means doing 1 hour of class time plus homework time each week. In short, reading one extra book and writing a short paper on it is not an adequate plan of study.
• Multiple international students asking to "sit in" on my courses. Said yes to one, no to the other, given the particular issues of the courses in question.
• A student I've never met asking me to conduct an independent study for him. That was an easy no freaking way.

There are others, but this list should provide a general sense of the things I am asked to do, above and beyond my actual job requirements. I'm feeling somewhat persnickety and protective of my time, what with coming up for tenure and trying to get pregnant and the dire budget situation that already means I will likely have to do more work for the same pay. I might like teaching, but I'm not going to be a martyr.

Things To Whine About (IVF edition)

• The vein in my left arm is now useless. I have supremely easy veins to draw from (I used to joke that I could just take a straw and poke it in my arm), but according to the nurse I saw today, they're also very small. So they collapse. And the left one *rolls* now, since a blowout during the June hcg drama. It hurts like hell no matter who does the draw. Blood draws used to be the painless part of this process for me.
• The Ganirelix headache. When I saw "May Cause Headache" on the package, I was sure I'd have a migraine within about 10 minutes. I was wrong. It took a few days, but now The Headache has officially returned. I really hate this. I'd rather not be taking so much medication right now. But without it, I'd be in bed all day.
• We ran into a colleague/friend at the farmer's market this morning. She asked how the summer was going. I said okay, because, really, what else is there to say? This has been the summer of death and despair.
• It's really hard to be zen when it's gloomy and your head feels like it's about to explode. Today might need to be movie day for LG. Hmmm....

Some Thoughts on my Students

I'm feeling annoyed, not so much by my students per se, but the sense of guilt and obligation I feel when their needs conflict with mine.

Case #1: A student asked me to write a letter for a major university award *less than two weeks* prior to the deadline. On the one hand, this is a student whom I very much like, and for whom, in most circumstances, I would be happy to write a letter of rec. But I sat down with my calendar and came up with NO AVAILABLE WORK TIME in the next few weeks for anything that wasn't already on my radar (including writing a letter for another student for an award with the same deadline). This is happening, in large part because I'm heading out of town for 5 days for a professional conference. But even in the best of circumstances, two weeks is bare minimum notice for getting such things done.

Case #2: My New Course has a paper due on Monday. They have known about this since the beginning of the semester. I made it very clear when I am available to talk to them about their drafts. I had office hours today. Not one of them showed. And now I have *THREE HOURS** worth of appointments with them tomorrow, which also happens to be LG's birthday. Under most circumstances, I would have said no way. But I feel like I owe it to them, as I cancelled class on Wed to attend the conference. In that three hours I will not be (a) working on my R&R which still hasn't been sent back, (b) packing for the conference, (c) making LG's birthday party invitations, (d) taking care of committee nonsense that can't wait, or (e) accomplishing anything else on my to do list. I like this group of students. But I do not like feeling like this.