Once Upon a Time I Started the Process of Donating Embryos

It's been a while since I mentioned the whole donating embryos thing.  Mostly because the plan has been both literally and metaphorically on ice...the intended recipient is moving slowly, which I understand and respect.

I'm still feeling good about it, both the decision to donate in general and the specific situation.  It's what I wanted, in a way, for Dr. Gorgeous to set up a match.  She did, although it wasn't intentional on her part.

The thing that worries me the most at this point is not the details of "what if it works," but rather "what if it doesn't."  I know I'll feel responsible, even though logically that makes no sense.  I worry about what it will do to my relationship with recipient, which is developing into a real friendship.  And I worry about what it will do to me, if it fails or worse, if it ends in a miscarriage.

There was one very lucky, hardy embryo in that batch.  I hope there's one more.

How Fast Things Change

I offered.

She's going to think about it.  Talk it over with her partner.

But her gut reaction was yes.

Wow.

Gratitude and Generosity (Part 2)

I'm going to do it.  I came to this conclusion at the grocery store.

I slept on it.  Without my children.  In a hotel.

If you were going to offer someone your embryos would you email her?  Call her?  Set up a coffee date?

I know once I say it I can't take it back.

I know if she says no, they sit on ice.  I'm not ready to give them over to the world in general.  But this woman who could be my friend?  I want her to have the family photos she wants.  I like the idea of being a part of that.

*

Updated:  Done.  Now I wait.  The irony that I came to this decision in the frozen foods aisle is not lost on me.

Gratitude

I saw, again, yesterday one of Dr. Gorgeous's former patients, who is a collaborator of sorts on an ongoing project.  Some day, I imagine, we could be friends.  I like her.  It hurts to see her obviously in pain. And I can't help thinking that I should offer her those two embryos I have in cold storage.

I don't know if she would want them.  I haven't met her husband.  And I always said if I donate those embryos it would need to be anonymous.  But I'm really thinking about it, especially today, on the anniversary of Tiny Boy's conception...

Frozen

So, as I said, Dr. Gorgeous has called me twice now, and left me messages, because the calls came at times I was dealing with LIFE and didn't even hear the phone ring.  I think this means she has a new idea about how to handle these embryos in storage.  And really truly I was ready to give them up last May when we talked and she asked me point blank if I was ready, in the same way she asked me if I was ready to do DE.

But now I'm not sure.  I mean, I think I'm 100% sure that I would never try to get pregnant with these embryos.  I wanted two kids, I have two kids, and there's really no way that three kids is even a remote possibility.  I also think for as much as I like being pregnant, this pregnancy with Tiny Boy fucked me up so much emotionally that I couldn't go down that road again.  But.  But.  But.  Am I really 100% certain that someone else should try to make a child with them?  I like the idea of helping a fellow infertile, I really do.  And then I see a baby or a pregnant woman at the supermarket and it just hits me in the same way it always did.

I'm meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow, and she suggested a place that looks to be on the same road as the clinic.  And just getting off that exit, honestly, has me spinning.

I have a 22-month-old.  I should be over this, right?

Embryo Donation (Redux)

So it turns out the agency thing is because she doesn't want to get sucked into a legal mess.  Which I totally get.

And her concern with Miracles Waiting--tell me if this is wrong--is that it's simply a matching service but doesn't handle the legal shenanigans.

I don't need a matching service, if my goal is to donate to one of her patients.  And she says she has suitable patients.  Maybe I just need to get back in touch with the lawyer who did up my DE contract and see if she'd be willing to do this?

It's not that I don't want to donate to an SMC.  I'd be way happy to donate to a prospective SMC.  But really I don't want this to be a personal thing at all.  Really I don't want to make any choices about where these embryos go, other than, yeah, I don't want to go through an agency that makes me feel icky because their practices are (a) unnecessarily expensive and capitalizing on folks' suffering, (b) discriminatory, (c) philosophically objectionable.

Much to think about I suppose.

In the meantime, I leave you with a photo of Tiny Boy's first foray into intentional TV.  He sure is LG's sibling:

The One About Donating Embryos

I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Gorgeous to chat about donating my embryos.

What I thought was going to be fairly simple--I sign some papers and give her legal rights to the embryos and she decides where they go--is turning out to be fairly complex.  Apparently she's working with some agencies.  Of the Christian sort.

In practical terms what this means is that the contract is full of God talk.  About life beginning at conception and all kinds of stuff I find hugely problematic.  Culturally, I'm Jewish.  Practically speaking, I'm atheist.

Now I don't really want this to become a debate about such BIG MATTERS.

But I guess I'm wondering if I just suck it up and sign the papers because really I'm still doing what I want to do, which is donate to someone who wants desperately to become pregnant.

Or, do I say, well, you know Dr. G, I really do want these embryos to be donated....but I need it to happen a different way.

Yes, what made me think this might be simple?