This isn't meant to be contentious but in some ways the underside of the question I asked in my last post: how much childcare is enough?
This week I've been leaving Tiny Boy at 'camp' from about 8:45 am to 5:30-6 pm (just before closing). This is a pretty usual drop off time, though moderately late pick up (usually I get him 4:45-5:15). There are certainly kids who are there earlier (they open at 7:00) or stay for more total hours. I've been picking him up late because LG is out of town and because I have a book deadline, and he asked to be the last kid picked up (seriously!). Tiny Boy is still getting a fair amount of one-on-one time (we've had two picnics, a park trip, a pool night, restaurant trips, etc). It's been a nicely balanced week in many respects.
Mostly I'm pragmatic about this: the purpose of childcare is largely to allow parents to do their jobs. I've also made use of my childcare time to take a yoga class, get a massage, go grocery shopping, etc: in short, all those things that are difficult or impossible as a single parent with a child in tow. (I also recognize that kids' days are longer than their parents' insofar as transportation to work needs to be factored in.) My assumption is that most other parents do the same. I certainly find value in childcare, not only from my own needs but for my children. Tiny Boy's life has undoubtedly been enriched by his experiences with teachers and other children, not to mention an actual curriculum. But as I think about my childcare needs for next year, I also need to think about my children's. At what point is it just too much? And is the 'too much' more a product of being out of the house (i.e. at school) than being cared for by another? Like, would more hours be easier if they were in the home? (probably) And, on the other side, how much easier would my life be if I had even one extra hour of childcare per week? It's a different sort of question when you are paying hourly (sitter) vs. daily (B&A)
I don't think there's a right answer here but obviously very individual familial needs and approaches... trying to figure out the magical formula involved in having two (!!) school-aged kids.
This week I've been leaving Tiny Boy at 'camp' from about 8:45 am to 5:30-6 pm (just before closing). This is a pretty usual drop off time, though moderately late pick up (usually I get him 4:45-5:15). There are certainly kids who are there earlier (they open at 7:00) or stay for more total hours. I've been picking him up late because LG is out of town and because I have a book deadline, and he asked to be the last kid picked up (seriously!). Tiny Boy is still getting a fair amount of one-on-one time (we've had two picnics, a park trip, a pool night, restaurant trips, etc). It's been a nicely balanced week in many respects.
Mostly I'm pragmatic about this: the purpose of childcare is largely to allow parents to do their jobs. I've also made use of my childcare time to take a yoga class, get a massage, go grocery shopping, etc: in short, all those things that are difficult or impossible as a single parent with a child in tow. (I also recognize that kids' days are longer than their parents' insofar as transportation to work needs to be factored in.) My assumption is that most other parents do the same. I certainly find value in childcare, not only from my own needs but for my children. Tiny Boy's life has undoubtedly been enriched by his experiences with teachers and other children, not to mention an actual curriculum. But as I think about my childcare needs for next year, I also need to think about my children's. At what point is it just too much? And is the 'too much' more a product of being out of the house (i.e. at school) than being cared for by another? Like, would more hours be easier if they were in the home? (probably) And, on the other side, how much easier would my life be if I had even one extra hour of childcare per week? It's a different sort of question when you are paying hourly (sitter) vs. daily (B&A)
I don't think there's a right answer here but obviously very individual familial needs and approaches... trying to figure out the magical formula involved in having two (!!) school-aged kids.
I don't know that there is a "right" answer to this question either. If you feel that you spend enough time with your child, and your relationship doesn't seem adversely affected by their time spent in care, you are probably hitting the sweet spot.
ReplyDeleteSince my sons (now 5.5 years old) started pre-K last August, my husband and I have been able to avoid using additional paid childcare before or after school, due to the flexibility of his work schedule. However, many of our sons' friends *do* stay at school before and/or after school in care, and my sons have actually *asked* to do it, too!
Also, for the several weeks this summer that our sons have been attending day camp at the local Boys & Girls Club, our sons actually asked my husband to start picking them up an hour to an hour-and-a-half later than we had originally planned (4 to 4:30 vs. 3, with an 8:30-ish dropoff in the mornings) because getting picked up at 3 meant they were missing out on desired camp activities. So clearly they are not troubled by the hours they are away from us.
I realize that your situation just involves one parent vs. two parents, but I don't know that that fact necessarily changes the analysis.
Hello! New reader and fellow single parent by choice. I adopted a little girl last year - she just turned 1! I appreciate this post - and your last. I have full-time help. I own my business and though I make my own schedule - she is with someone other than me from 9 ish to 5 ish every day. I also get evening and weekend help when needed. My goal is to check in with myself - do I feel good about how much time we spend together / apart / in the care of others (right now it's her grandmother) When it feels off I adjust one way or another. I try to block out the shoulds and the comparison. If I'm happy and she's happy then we are good. I know childcare will be a constant moving target. I appreciate your voice in this space and look forward to reading more! - Kristen
ReplyDeleteFor my introverted daughter, it was more a function of being out of the house rather than cared for another. Even though she went to daycare from 2 on (part time) and pre-K half days, K was a huge adjustment for her and cause much more home melt downs initially. She was so tired from being "on"/following rules/ adapting to the constant classroom interactions that it was only when she got home that she could relax and allow herself to feel comfortable and sometimes not "behave". So if she had someone in our house taking care of her, it was much less a strain for her. Other kids might not be as affected.
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