I don't remember ever being this sad. Except maybe that horrible year when my cat died and then my grandfather died and then I turned 30 and had a miscarriage that went on for five weeks. Yeah, 2002 sucked from beginning to end.
I'm still managing (mostly) to get my work done and take care of LG and act like a functional human being during the day.
At night all I do is cry.
I can't keep going like this.
Hi Gwinne...I'm so sorry you're having such a terrible time of it lately. You sound like a wonderful mom and a lovely person, and I wish you weren't going through so much heartache. I'm about the same age as you, and I, too, am using Femara (my doctor does the one on day one, two on day two, three on day three, etc. thing - it sounds like you've tried many different protocols with it and I'm curious to know if you've done that one...). Sending you lots of good energy and hugs and hoping things look brighter soon.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
Thanks, Maddy. No, I haven't done that protocol. I'm not sure I follow the logic of it...explain?
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry this is such a gut-wrenchingly miserable time. I hate that any of us have to go through this, but you've been at it so long that it just hurts my heart to think of it. Hoping things change for the better soon. You & LG are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteGwinne I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. My heart is breaking for you. I wish I could come over and hang out and share a drink or two with you! I wish I had some words of wisdom - I don't but please know I am thinking of you. A lot.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I hope you find yourself on the otherside of this soon.
ReplyDeleteDear Gwinne, I hate hearing you feeling so sad. I think it's time to go talk with someone, a psychologist who helps people deal with IF issues. It can't hurt to talk to them, and getting some of this off your chest in person might really help. Why not give it a try? You don't want to get any sadder, as it is really hard (as it sounds like you know from 2002) to get yourself out of a depression phase without some help. You should start treating your emotional self and then let the fertility stuff follow once you are feeling more hopeful. I don't mean to be a pushy friend, just want you to be feeling better. love, inB
ReplyDeleteInB, you might be right about the need to talk to an IF counselor (I'm planning on asking Dr. G about it). But I'm not a depressed person who has fertility issues as a result.... I'm an infertile person who is out of time, out of hope, out of resources. No amount of talking is going to change that.
ReplyDeleteDear G,
ReplyDeleteI hear you on not being a depressed person, and that talking won't fix the problems that are making you so justifiably frustrated and sad. But a psychologist could help you feel less panicky over a depressing situation. I agree, getting pregnant would be the perfect solution, but in the meantime, anything that might bring you some emotional peace is worth the effort. Late in my IF game I read that women who participate in counseling simultaneous to treatment report feeling far less stressed. I can't remember if the report showed higher fertility rates or not, but those women definitely walked around feeling a whole lot better than those who didn't take advantage of a psychologist. I wish I had done so. I hit some pretty dark places.
love, inB
I have no words, just hugs.
ReplyDeleteOh Gwinne, I hope you are feeling better. It's not easy going through this alone. You and LG are in my thoughts.
ReplyDelete~hugs~
ReplyDelete