I'm still trying to decide if I just take the kids and go to the conference, however challenging and stressful that would be.
See, I like ice cream. Let's say, a full-fat, expensive carton of Ben and Jerry's. I like Ben and Jerry's enough to make myself sick from a dairy overload. I am not willing to eat a rice-based substitute that tastes like crap but doesn't give me a migraine or a stomach ache.*
That is, I was looking forward to the full experience of the conference. I wanted to give my paper. I wanted to go to sessions. I wanted to hole up in a hotel room all by myself and do my usual conference-going things like painting my toenails and taking a long hot bath and ordering room service and then going to sleep (I mean I was even considering taking Valium just so I'd be sure to be really and truly knocked out, as I often don't sleep in hotels).
And now I can't do that. I could have the half-assed, half-calorie version, where I do my paper and stay in a swanky hotel with my kids, which would mean letting random conference folk help out (yes, the hotel probably has a babysitting service of some kind but that would freak me out way too much to even consider) and LG having a blast while Tiny Boy and I sleep miserably, even more miserably than we do at home, not to mention the two days in the car with screaming baby. Sounds fun, doesn't it?
Or I can stay home and be generally resentful that I'm not getting my carton of Ben and Jerry's. The first carton of Ben and Jerry's since the week before egg retrieval.
Or I can take a friend up on her extraordinarily generous offer to try to "time-share" my kids with another friend (friend #2 hasn't yet consented to this) so I could go solo which is so FUCKING AMAZING and generous that it's making me cry but I can't take her up on that offer, even if it means SLEEP. And if this were a real job-on-the-line professional event, I would do it, but it's not. It's a carton of Ben and Jerry's.
Which leaves me contemplating whether I want the rice milk ice cream, just so I can say fuck you, I did it on my own. And ice cream rarely tastes good with a side of spite, if you'll excuse all the metaphorical mix-ins.
* Yes, I eat coconut ice cream. And love it. But let's stick to the metaphor.
See, I like ice cream. Let's say, a full-fat, expensive carton of Ben and Jerry's. I like Ben and Jerry's enough to make myself sick from a dairy overload. I am not willing to eat a rice-based substitute that tastes like crap but doesn't give me a migraine or a stomach ache.*
That is, I was looking forward to the full experience of the conference. I wanted to give my paper. I wanted to go to sessions. I wanted to hole up in a hotel room all by myself and do my usual conference-going things like painting my toenails and taking a long hot bath and ordering room service and then going to sleep (I mean I was even considering taking Valium just so I'd be sure to be really and truly knocked out, as I often don't sleep in hotels).
And now I can't do that. I could have the half-assed, half-calorie version, where I do my paper and stay in a swanky hotel with my kids, which would mean letting random conference folk help out (yes, the hotel probably has a babysitting service of some kind but that would freak me out way too much to even consider) and LG having a blast while Tiny Boy and I sleep miserably, even more miserably than we do at home, not to mention the two days in the car with screaming baby. Sounds fun, doesn't it?
Or I can stay home and be generally resentful that I'm not getting my carton of Ben and Jerry's. The first carton of Ben and Jerry's since the week before egg retrieval.
Or I can take a friend up on her extraordinarily generous offer to try to "time-share" my kids with another friend (friend #2 hasn't yet consented to this) so I could go solo which is so FUCKING AMAZING and generous that it's making me cry but I can't take her up on that offer, even if it means SLEEP. And if this were a real job-on-the-line professional event, I would do it, but it's not. It's a carton of Ben and Jerry's.
Which leaves me contemplating whether I want the rice milk ice cream, just so I can say fuck you, I did it on my own. And ice cream rarely tastes good with a side of spite, if you'll excuse all the metaphorical mix-ins.
* Yes, I eat coconut ice cream. And love it. But let's stick to the metaphor.
WTH? This is what our Wednesday post is. Are you reading our MINDS? Only without the metaphor. We just really like ice cream.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your conference choices.
well, there's a quandary. Any chance you could go for a shorter time, and leave the kids with your friends who have OFFERED to look after them? So that way you get the 1/3 cup of ben & jerry's instead of the carton? I don't know, I'm just saying that it sure sounds like that night in the hotel with room service and a hot bath would really do your wonders.
ReplyDeleteToo long a drive to make less than 2 nights worth it, I think (and at present only 1 of those nights could be covered...) But yeah, I hear you!
ReplyDeleteOkay. I'm clearly an idiot, but why can't you take your friend up on her offer?
ReplyDeleteIs it because friend #2 isn't going to go along with it and friend #1 isn't willing to take the kids for the whole time?
If it's because you'd feel guilty, can you think of something equally (or almost equally) nice you can do for friend #1 (and #2, if relevant). Does she have kids you could watch? Could you get her a gift certificate for a spa or a ticket for some event she'd like to go to?
I'd definitely go and hang out in the hotel. In fact, I'd do it even if the conference was cancelled.
But, then again, I'd scarf the Ben and Jerry's and follow it up with a quart of this stuff.
If, you know, I actually liked ice cream.
AAAAARG. I wish you could take your friend up on the offer. I assume you aren't just being delicate when you say you can't do it. The description of all the lovely things you'd do with your time alone makes me want to cry. Totally what I'd be doing...
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can arrange a small bowl of ice cream at a later date. You can't have the conference, but you could have a weekend alone in a hotel once your mother is back in the picture, maybe? Maybe it seems too self-indulgent, but it seems to me like you're a woman who needs to take care of herself, STAT.
I like the sprinkles of spite, it's like tears making the salt in salted caramel.
ReplyDeleteI know that it's gonna take some strange heroic effort to make this trip work and that these efforts are usually only warranted in career make or break events, which leaves you hosed, really. I'm thinking that I might take your mom up on the offer, even adding the extra driving in. This is totally hypocritical coming from a woman who can't even make a 15 minute car ride with a few month old baby myself. Hmm...maybe meet her 2.5 hours in? Any hope there?
Asking for some ice cream isn't too much at this point. A binge is warranted at this point, and a big ol' middle finger to the universe that's thwarting you.