On the Decision to Try for Baby #2

The Baby Project is now a officially in full swing. I have filled out required paperwork, subjected myself to blood tests, bought supplies (both expensive and inexpensive), and stewed. What I haven't done is tell my mother; it is a conversation I am sort of dreading--largely because I think her response will be "are you nuts?! LG already has you at the end of your rope!" but also because she's in the midst of the Nonsense Regarding My Younger Sister's Mental Health (yes, that deserves All Caps). I will do that sometime in the next few weeks, once things settle down.

Yet despite my inability to tell my mom, I'm pretty chill about all of this, which is odd given how ambivalent I had been up until the moment I actually put money toward it. Now it's just another thing to do, like my job. That's not to say I'm not excited about it. Just that this time around it's one component of a life that is, frankly, going pretty darn well. I sat down with my CV and realized, whether my Dept Chair explicitly said it or not, I'm in really good shape for tenure (that essay long in progress was FINALLY slated for publication this spring!). My big list of things to do, well, not so big, particularly if I decide to hire someone to do various house repairs that I will never get around to doing otherwise. And most significantly, I'm feeling calm and in control when it comes to LG. In other words, I'm in a good place to add a little bit of drama. Not a lot of drama, mind you, just a little bit.

I won't know for sure until I'm in the thick of it, but I have a feeling that ttc for #2 will be nothing like ttc for #1: (1) we already know I can get pregnant and carry to term, (2) I know something about how I respond to meds, (3) it won't require driving to Big City and back for procedures that last only a few minutes at most. What all this adds up to is I'm feeling good about all this. I'm taking prenatal vitamins and sleeping through the night. The big test will be how I feel once the semester begins.

Now, if only I could figure out what REAL writing to do this morning...