Negative

Well, of course I ended up testing. In my continued explorations of using OPKs as HPTs, I had a result today that looked almost positive (meaning the test line was almost as dark as the control line). So I took the Clear Blue (+/-) which, when I was trying for LG, was not +/- but two straight lines. And it was anything but clear. So I pulled out all the stops, used the digital that came for free (I wouldn't actually purchase such a thing) and there it was clear as day: NOT PREGNANT.*

Lessons learned: (1) do not use OPKs as anything but OPKs, because those two lines are awfully seductive and misleading, even with the full understanding that an OPK-as-HPT will only be positive when the two lines are the same color. (2) Clear Blue was much better in 2002-2003, so find a new HPT of choice. (3) don't test on any day that you'd like to get work done, because you'll obsess, pull the stick back out of the trash and result to craziness not seen since May-June 2003.

What really sucks is that I feel pregnant. This is not hypochondria or wishful thinking but the result of the estrogen and progesterone I'm taking twice daily, which has made me nauseous beyond all belief and made my breasts feel like I'm nursing again. At least when I was just on progesterone, I could count on symptoms going *away* by the time I reached 11-12dpo, preparing me for a likely negative result. But now? My body's just gearing up, while my mind is winding down.

Damn. This was my last chance to have a baby before LG turns six. Now I'm shooting for two kids with the same birth month.

* Please, no one tell me that it's too early to use digital and that it I'll end up with a positive beta tomorrow. I've been here twice before, and I know with absolute certainty that if I was pregnant I'd have a positive test. Even with my miscarriage (average beta), I tested positive at 12dpo, and that was almost seven years ago. I figure that's the same as 11dpo these days, right?