Random Bullets at 10dpo

• Well, I got my ridiculously early HPT over with yesterday. Negative. Not that I expected anything else at 9dpo. There's only one more HPT in the house and I'm not buying another one, so this will wait until Thursday. The only reason I'm even testing before beta is that I'm planning on leaving town for the weekend, and if it's positive, I'd like to know that beforehand. If it's negative, well, then I can go fill my BCP prescription.
• I'm still tired. Exhausted. Like I could go back to bed right now. Given my (relatively low) progesterone level and the fact that I'm not taking supplements orally, I *shouldn't* be this tired.
• Having crazy dreams. Like, last night I dreamed that I was at Dr. Gorgeous's office until 9:00 pm. I looked horrible, like I hadn't slept in a week, and I finally said to her (as she was leaving me for the night), "I don't understand what I'm doing here." She replied, "We need to take care of that hole in your hand." Oh-kay. (My dreams are always moored fairly well in reality, like this. I mean, I fully expect to be at Dr. G's office for hours today, and usually there's a blood-letting when I see her.) I know I had crazy dreams right before my positive beta last time. What I don't remember is if I had them the other times I was pregnant. The thing is, I usually don't (remember I) dream.
• Had a wonderful streak of productivity yesterday: major summer writing project is a few pages shy of a complete draft (this *will* be done by Friday!), book manuscript #3 back in the mail, errands done, and much laundry (LG was down to a pair of panties one size too small).
• Before I skip town (and before the beta), I will send off two other essays and, hopefully, write a query letter for book manuscript #1. Would be nice to get a packet of poems in the mail, too, but that's going to have to wait.
• I'm starting to freak out about IVF (so I suppose it's good I'm talking to Dr. Gorgeous again today). In particular, I'm worried about being oversuppressed and/or overstimulated. I'm worried I'll spend a lot of money and it won't work. I don't want to do PIO. I don't want general anesthesia. I'm worried about BCP migraines and having a stroke. I don't want to stick myself with more needles (I'm not sure what's up with the needle-phobia right now). If the school year weren't an issue, I think I'd do one more IUI. But I looked at the calendar, and I *can't* do retrieval/transfer the first two weeks of school, which is how that would play out.
• I could eat cherries and mangos all day long. (That's the other weird thing: I'm having a major wheat aversion right now, and usually when I'm hopped up on progesterone I crave it.)
• I'm hating my Fragmin shots. Really, truly. The needles aren't sharp enough and don't go in very easily. Ovidrel is nothing. Old school heparin is no problem. But these pre-loaded Fragmin syringes SUCK. Not sure if Lovenox would be any better.
• I think that's all for now. Must write before Dr. G.