In Which My Brain Is Spinning

• Just when you think you're done with something, turns out you're not. I got feedback from another colleague on my statement, and contrary to previous opinion, it needs work. I mean, I thought it needed work, but when my department chair said it was "great" and "well-written" and gave no suggestions for improvement whatsoever, I kinda stopped working on it. So now I'm back to spinning my wheels; it's really hard to develop ideas when you've already hit the upper page limit. So more mint tea and coffee shop for me this afternoon.
• Context: a long time ago when I was part of an online group for SMCs, it used to drive me bat-shit crazy that some people would proclaim that they'd had an early miscarriage based on no evidence (no positive HPT or beta) whatsoever. It was like it was easier to conceptualize the experience as a loss than as something that never happened in the first place. Now I find myself wondering if that May cycle, when I really thought I was pregnant around 11-12dpo, if I actually was very briefly. (This might be the problem with having betas at 12dpo.) Why am I thinking this? Because my period was late despite stopping progesterone early, my AFC was wicked low (5, when it's usually 11-12), my lining was very thick at baseline, and it took me forever to respond to stims. That would also be true of the last cycle I did immediately post m/c. It's totally unproductive thinking, so I should stop doing it, but, like I said, my brain is spinning.
• I am vacillating between thinking my CV is quite respectable (Yes, InB, I am the shit) and thinking I've done very little and there's no way I should get tenure. Also, unproductive. I've just got to get this turned in, take a real break, and then come back ready to get some shit done this summer.
• My ovaries hurt, and I am wearing what I think of as my summer "maternity" dress, which is a loose white thing that I bought last summer and did indeed wear during early pregnancy.
• So far 50mg of DHEA seems okay. I'm not sure if I'm going to go up to 75mg, which is what I was actually prescribed.
• LG said she rowed a canoe yesterday. And did mini golf. And archery. I'm glad she likes camp. I loathed it as a child (but, of course, my mother also dosed me with benadryl because I'd puff up from bug bites, so my experience might be a bit foggy).
• Great, a very pregnant woman just sat down at the table beside me. I really don't need that today.
• Despite these grumblings, I'm really okay at the moment. Now back to work.