Random Bullets

I'm too tired to think in paragraphs, but there's much I want to say. So here goes:

• I doubt I'll remember it the next time I see her to rant, but Dr. Gorgeous seriously needs to rethink how phone call responsibilities are doled out. Somehow the new ultrasound tech (I think she works maybe 1-2 days per week) was the one to call me with the bad news yesterday. It is bad enough to get the voicemail that says sorry, call us cd 1 or if you have any questions much less having a sheer idiot call you SIX times in a two hour window because she can't manage to say what she needs to say and actually leave a lucid message. By the time she got a hold of me, at 5:30, when I was trying to get dinner on the table and knew I wasn't pregnant (they call with good news early, generally) she managed to keep me on the phone for a good five minutes while she stuttered out something that went like we got your test results back from LAB and I just wanted to call you and tell you we got your test results back from LAB and unfortunately the results were negative but I wanted to call and tell you we got your test results back [long painful pause] but it looks like you're thinking about doing an egg donor cycle [at which point I interjected I'm not thinking. I'm doing it. Followed by another long painful pause] oh, I see and have you, like, ummm, talked to an IVF nurse lately? [what the fuck is lately? does seeing my own fucking doctor last week, which is obviously the most recent thing in my chart, count as recently] I mean, you know, to find out the next steps in your cycle. [me: Yes, I know I need to start the pill] Okay, do you have any questions? [me: Not at this time. Thinking: putting a fork in my eye would be less painful. Must get off the phone now] And then, after 7:00, another call because she wanted to fucking clarify that I don't start the pill today but on cd 3. That was the point that I started yelling fucking idiot [after I got off the phone of course, but I really hope LG was asleep...] Anyway, that was a really longwinded way of saying I never have appreciated the nurses more.
• Speaking of which, I talked tonight to Nurse Who Needs a Nickname (maybe Nurse Sorry I Forgot to Order Your Ganirelix or Nurse Why Can't You Put Fragmin in an Insulin Needle?) who is seriously coming through for me on this cycle. Everything is squared away with the donor (she's on the schedule, at least); she thinks the meds I brought in should cover everything but about 10 syringes of Ganirelix (how much does that shit cost, anyway?); she's ordering all my drugs from Wonderful Campus Pharmacy (oh, PIO, how I hate thee); and Dr. Gorgeous will do my pap when she does everything else to me in a couple weeks (and for her I will actually shave my legs).
• I'm back in the trenches of choosing a sprm donor. That is, I think I've decided to bail on Cryobank of the Cheap and Hardy Gametes, because I'm not going for 70 total motile numbers and, all things considered, I like the donors better at Fancypants Bad Counts Cryobank. And really, what's another $500? So it looks like I'm trying to find the male version of me so LG and Hypothetical New Baby will share ethnic backgrounds. There might be another post on this later.
• Last night was bad. On a scale of okay to cancelled-IVF-hysteria, I was at at least a 9. I actually think I might have been okay if I didn't have to have the phone calls and more phone calls and phone calls from A and phone calls from my sister and phone calls and...I DO NOT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT ANYMORE. THAT'S WHY I'M SEEING A THERAPIST.
• In the midst of the crying fit, I told LG about the failed baby plans. Not about DE, of course. But trying and failing. And she wanted to know how I was able to have her. I guess, I said, I got really really lucky in the kid department.
• I told my mother today that while she is not allowed to question my decision to do DE, I'd be happy to answer any specific questions she had. And then only one she could think of was what would you do if you had twins? She wasn't exactly prepared for the tirade that followed, but apparently this conversation only solidified for me that I will be transferring two blasts if at all possible, thank you very much. Mothers are good for that.
• I learned my lesson about the vodka. There is a reason, people, that the Lovenox box says not to drink. I didn't have that much--I barely even got tipsy, much less actually drunk--but my gut is killing me. I took the max dose of Pepcid and then hauled LG out tonight to buy tums and then I coated the mess with vanilla ice cream. My tongue looks chalky and I'll be back on my diet by the time I start the pill, but holy shit, I think the ulcer is back. I haven't had to deal with that since college. DO NOT DRINK LARGE QUANTITIES OF VODKA, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE COMING OFF ANTICOAGULANTS, TAKING NSAIDS, AND PRONE TO ULCERS. That's for me, really.
• I think that's about all. I've got to go put LG to bed. As far as kids go, I really did get a good one. But I keep looking at the donor's baby photo thinking I could have a kid who looks like that, and, you know, she's a damn cute baby.
• If I sleep more than 5 hours tonight, it will be a very good time indeed.