The semester is, thankfully, over. Papers and projects come in early next week, and after the onslaught of grading I'm done with students until July. That's good, as I'm really having trouble giving my job even minimal attention at the moment.
After about fifteen phone calls, I have an appointment on Tuesday with a perinatologist for an ultrasound and consult. I won't say what I think the outcome will be. I suspect you can guess.
I've been sucking down enormous amounts of water and mostly staying in bed when I'm not dealing with real life and my job. At least that makes me feel like I'm doing something.
I swear I can feel this baby. Not moving around or anything, obviously. But there's this odd weight and unsettled feeling, only on the left (which is where the sac implanted). I'm pretty sensitive to all bodily goings-on, and I legitimately did feel LG moving by ~13 weeks, so I think this is probably real.
I vacillate between bawling my eyes out and operating under a complete state of denial that this is happening. I mean, seriously: how is this even possible?
I don't even know what to say - that I'm still hopeful, obviously, but how do I counsel you? Glad you're taking it easy, because that can't hurt and is good for you too, but so incredibly pissed that you can't seem to catch a single break here. I just want this to be easy for you, I want this stress to go away, and I want to read more good things, and less terror, because, really, you deserve the good. Thinking of you. Hoping this all works out & the fear becomes a merely horrible memory.
ReplyDeletehugs and hope, dear... hugs and hope
ReplyDeleteLimbo is a terrible state and I'm so sorry you have all these huge unknowns right now. I'm thinking of you and hoping for great news from the perinatologist next week.
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping you and Peanut in my thoughts everyday. Did you get your doppler yet?
ReplyDelete