Making Plans

LG's at school, hopefully learning something useful.  I'm at the swanky coffee shop drinking decaf (can I tell you how glad I am I haven't actually lost the taste for coffee this time around?) and eating a chocolate croissant.  The real goal for the morning is to figure out a plan.  What am I going to do with my day?  What do I need to accomplish this summer?  Can I actually map out a workable schedule to finish this book project by, oh, November 15?

I've been putting off making plans mostly due to the radical uncertainty surrounding this pregnancy.  But I have to confess, now at 11w3d, although I live in absolute daily terror of losing this baby, I don't actually think that's going to happen.  (Knock wood, cross my fingers, and all that hocus-pocus.)  I just think if it was going to happen due to this sac problem, it probably would have happened already.  Or maybe I'm in a huge state of denial because losing a baby as you approach the second trimester, after you've felt it wiggling, after you've seen it dancing on the ultrasound not once but three times, is horrifying to contemplate.  It occurred to me this morning that my D&C for pregnancy #1 was at 11w3d (although I knew the pregnancy wasn't viable by 6.5 weeks).  I can't lose this baby.  Not now.

So, as if this morning, I'm sort of proceeding as if this whole thing will indeed result in a baby in November.  (Although, I will confess, I'm not exchanging the ill-fitting maternity clothes or doing open enrollment for insurance until I get through Monday's ultrasound.)  What that means is (a) LG and I will take a summer trip (New York City here we come!) with or without my mom tagging along, (b) the house requires some major upkeep and organization, (c) I need to make the most of now through November in terms of getting this new book manuscript done, as well as getting old things accepted, and (d) I also need to carve out a fair amount of time for relaxing, both alone and with LG.  (To be fair, all those things should be priorities regardless of what the next few weeks bring.)

So today...I think I'll hit the grocery store to pick up some fruit, clean the kitchen, and disassemble LG's fort and read a novel on the back porch.  And make a writing schedule to get me through the first part of the summer.  Sigh.