One of the things that has astonished me most on this (loooong) journey to Baby #2 is how many comments people have made about "spacing" my children's ages. Pretty much everyone has their opinion, and with very few exceptions, that would appear to be negative. Except, of course, for those individuals I've encountered who have 10+ years between their kids and think it's the best thing ever.
My response, when somone comments about the large age gap, has been to say honestly it's not what I planned, but it took me a long time to get pregnant.
This is when I comment on the up-side of having kids almost 8 years apart:
LG read to her brother tonight, complete with commentary and definitions because she didn't think, for example, he'd know what an animal was. (Good call, LG, but he doesn't really know any of the other words you used either.) All I could do was smile and rub my belly while she yammered on for a good half an hour while he wiggled and squirmed.
That's what I get, folks, for 2.5 years worth of infertility and loss.
People are such morons. My last child is 6 years younger than his brother (and 9 years younger than his oldest bro). I've had people assume that I was remarried and my youngest was a result. And since I have a different last name than my kids, others often assume I'm the stepmother. Aren't we in the 21st century?
ReplyDeleteVery cute about LG reading to baby. She will be a HUGE help to you when he arrives. My older boys are wonderful with their little brother. I honestly couldn't manage a lot of what we do without them.
Darling! Oh what a heart warmer your little LG is to me!
ReplyDeleteJust darling.
Oh I love this post. I'm so glad that all continues to go well.
ReplyDeleteThere is a 7-year difference between my 1st and my 2nd, 4 between 2 and 3. If I had a nickel for every time someone commented on the large difference between 1 and 2... What annoys me the most is my urge to justify myself to idiots (first we were broke, then we lived apart for 2 years after I got a job and hub stayed in grad school). What is it with unsolicited judgmental comments that makes us feel the need to justify ourselves to completely irrelevant and rude folks?
ReplyDeleteSo adorable about her defining 'animal'!
ReplyDeleteAnd yeah, people make the strangest comments. Granted, the Boy has a rather LARGE gap between his youngest daughter (almost 21) and his son (almost 1) but the number of people who comment in a really nasty negative way about the age-gap is just astonishing.
We've heard everything from "a baby when your kids are already grown? Why?" (um, because that's how old we were when we fell in love? why not? better now than at 15?) to "Well, it's not like he really HAS sisters with that much of a gap between them." (oh really? tell that to his sisters...)
People can be insensitive jerks. Ignore 'em, I think LG's gonna be a great big sister, and while it's a different relationship than they would have had when she was 4, it's not a WORSE one.
GMP, I don't know...it's not so much a matter of wanting to justify myself...I'm just so caught-off-guard by the things people say...and how pervasive the assumption that 7+ years is somehow strange.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, though...I'd always imagined a 4-5 year age difference between my kids and remember thinking, when an SMC friend suggested to me I wait until after tenure, that 8 years was WAY too long. At this point, though, it seems pretty good, with definite advantages over the friends I know--married or not--with kids 1.5-3 years apart, who are constantly stressed and frantic.
Our oldest is a 19-year-old college student and our two littles are toddlers (2.5 years and 16 months).
ReplyDeleteYes, people comment about the spacing the time. Usually to the effect that the first and second are too far apart in age and the second and third are too close.
I just smile and nod.
My daughter is 17 and going to graduate this year. My son is 7 and I am currently pregnant with number 3 due around Halloween. We did not plan that spacing either. I get comments all the time about how "You were almost done, why would you have another" blah blah blah yada yada yada. I cannot help that I suffered multiple m/c's in between those children. I would have loved to have them close together. That being said I love the big age gap. My daughter was so helpful when my son was born. She still is although they do fight and argue more now that he has learned to antagonize his sister. The one downside is that it feels as if I have 2 only children and I suspect when I add the 3rd to the mix in October it will feel like 3 only children. I still would not have it any other way:) Congrats on your pregnancy.
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