I think that Tiny Boy is over his cold.
And done teething (well, for this current tooth, anyway).
And on something resembling a nap schedule (different at home and at school, but a schedule nonetheless).
And putting himself to bed at night without screaming for 30 minutes.
But the problem is that has not in any way translated into putting himself back to sleep if he wakes, despite what sleep books and his pediatrician say.
So I think, I think I might begin the process of night-weaning. I am not sure that he's ready to go allnight without milk. But nursing every hour is not about food, it's about comfort. Or something.
Here's my question: do I try to cut one feeding at a time or just do it? And if I do cut a feeding at a time, which one to go first? Obviously the easiest one (for me, anyway) to do is that 10-11ish one; that also makes it the easiest not to cut.
Advise me, please.
*
Update, the next morning: Well, we took a combo approach. When he woke around 9:00 I ignored him completely. When he woke up at 10:00 something, I ignored him completely. He managed to put himself to sleep within about 10 minutes both times.
When he woke up around 11:45 I decided to nurse him (it had been about 5 hrs without nursing, which is a LONG stretch for him). I woke up with a baby attached to my breast, sleeping soundly, an hour later and dumped him in the crib. Didn't hear a peep out of him until around 3:00, and I nursed him again. (I decided after that initial stretch, I'm willing to go 2 hrs but no more, until we're down to one feeding in the middle of the night.) Then of course came 4:00, when I took my pillow and went down to the couch and listened to him cry off and on for the better part of an hour. And finally caved and nursed him around 5:30. And then again when he "woke" for the day and dozed for a few minutes. I know he didn't nurse nearly as much overnight because I'm pumping now instead of around 11:00 am.
It's that 4:00-6:30 am stretch that kills me, no matter how well he does earlier in the night. I'll see what happens tonight. If he wakes/nurses 12, 3, and 5, I can live with that for a while, and then get rid of the 3, hopefully. Because if he can't put himself back to sleep, really, I might as well feed him, because even if I'm on the couch, I'm not sleeping...and either is he.
And done teething (well, for this current tooth, anyway).
And on something resembling a nap schedule (different at home and at school, but a schedule nonetheless).
And putting himself to bed at night without screaming for 30 minutes.
But the problem is that has not in any way translated into putting himself back to sleep if he wakes, despite what sleep books and his pediatrician say.
So I think, I think I might begin the process of night-weaning. I am not sure that he's ready to go allnight without milk. But nursing every hour is not about food, it's about comfort. Or something.
Here's my question: do I try to cut one feeding at a time or just do it? And if I do cut a feeding at a time, which one to go first? Obviously the easiest one (for me, anyway) to do is that 10-11ish one; that also makes it the easiest not to cut.
Advise me, please.
*
Update, the next morning: Well, we took a combo approach. When he woke around 9:00 I ignored him completely. When he woke up at 10:00 something, I ignored him completely. He managed to put himself to sleep within about 10 minutes both times.
When he woke up around 11:45 I decided to nurse him (it had been about 5 hrs without nursing, which is a LONG stretch for him). I woke up with a baby attached to my breast, sleeping soundly, an hour later and dumped him in the crib. Didn't hear a peep out of him until around 3:00, and I nursed him again. (I decided after that initial stretch, I'm willing to go 2 hrs but no more, until we're down to one feeding in the middle of the night.) Then of course came 4:00, when I took my pillow and went down to the couch and listened to him cry off and on for the better part of an hour. And finally caved and nursed him around 5:30. And then again when he "woke" for the day and dozed for a few minutes. I know he didn't nurse nearly as much overnight because I'm pumping now instead of around 11:00 am.
It's that 4:00-6:30 am stretch that kills me, no matter how well he does earlier in the night. I'll see what happens tonight. If he wakes/nurses 12, 3, and 5, I can live with that for a while, and then get rid of the 3, hopefully. Because if he can't put himself back to sleep, really, I might as well feed him, because even if I'm on the couch, I'm not sleeping...and either is he.
No advice to offer, just wanted to wish you luck. I can't imagine how sleep-deprived you must be at this point.
ReplyDeleteSince he can't communicate and understand yet (so you can't have a detailed discussion about the new plan), I would say to play it by ear. Whichever turns out to be easiest for you at the time.
ReplyDeleteI assume he is taking a bottle at day care, so to see if he is really hungry or just comfort nursing at night (which is probably the case as a 12 week old baby can go at least 7-8 hours without eating)you can offer him a little water or diluted milk in a bottle. If he is not getting enough to eat during the day, you should eliminate night feedings one at a time by diluting feeding until settling him with just water and once this is done for a week or so, work on eliminating the next feeding etc. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteDM, yes some 12 week old babies can go that long. And some 2 year olds *can't*. LG, for instance, was on formula that long (for allergies) and didn't stop drinking at night until she went to solid food + rice milk, at a little past two yrs. the idea is a good one, but he doesn't take bottles from me...and giving him a bottle would mean me getting LESS sleep which isn't workable.
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to hear he put himself back to sleep after 10 minutes. That seems like an excellent thing.
ReplyDeleteI've seen a lot of women struggle with the "not eating at daycare, wants to nurse all night" thing. But to me it seems like this is a separate problem that you've been dealing with forever, and perhaps if you fix the night sleep, the daycare eating will change. I know it's a complex, multidimensional space, and only YOU know the full ins and outs of it, and with any suggestion you'll have lots of valid reasons why it's not the right approach, and this is probably one of those posts I shouldn't comment on at ALL since the kid I have experience with has a vastly different sleep temperament, etc. etc. but you SAID advise me, so...
I think "crying it out" works really poorly with **on demand** night nursing, co-sleeping, and caving. I'm dubious that you'll get what you want if you're not okay with making those switches. So if you think he really needs to eat for nutrition, my advice is, cut out the on demand part, cut out the co-sleeping, and cut out the caving. Decide in some LUCID moment how many feedings he needs nutritionally, and at what times he will get them. Say, 11 and 4 am. Don't feed him until then. I know some people really object to feeding on a schedule, or schedules of any kind, but it's possible this is what he needs. Don't feed him until after 11. Then don't feed him again until after 4. Each time, when he's done nursing, put him back in his crib. If he's nursing to sleep, he's gonna want to nurse to sleep, right? So as long as that's part of the program, he's not having opportunities to put himself back to sleep. AND decide in some lucid moment how long you are willing to stick with this program. A week? Two weeks? Decide, and stick to it.
I bet you're like THIS WON'T WORK BECAUSE OF X AND Y, AND YOU'RE STUPID AND I HATE YOU, I'm sure you're right. Whatever you do, you have to BELIEVE in it. Because in the dead of night you will likely be confused and feeling like a monster. And if you don't believe in it, you'll cave, and every experimental animal knows conditioning doesn't work if you cave. And whatever you do, it has to be a simple plan that you can remember in the dead of night. I hope I haven't offended you too badly. I just want you to give operant conditioning a fighting chance. And yes, feel free to laugh at me immoderately when sleep training totally doesn't work with my second child.
Bunny, gosh no I don't hate you.
ReplyDeleteI should say though that we're NOT co-sleeping, except when I accidentally fall asleep during nursing. Otherwise he's in his crib (which is unfortunately in MY room). Mostly what we've been doing since he moved to the crib is nurse when he wakes and then dump him back, yes, while he's not quite asleep.
And he does put himself to sleep without nursing at the beginning of the night. And obviously at daycare as well.
Yes, I agree this is a completely separate thing from daycare....he seems to deal with that phenomenon by sucking on me NONSTOP when I pick him up until bedtime.
In my ideal world, if he's not capable of sleeping ALL NIGHT yet--and I really don't know if he is--then feeding around 11-1 and again ONCE around 4-5 is fine with me.
I don't quite understand what's happening that he can go a relatively long stretch at the beginning of the night (he has gone 5 hrs) and then wakes progressively shorter intervals until morning. I'm not sure that's about nursing as much as some other sleep thing...