So my therapist was quite happy with the painting revelation because, as she says, I need a "release valve" on my emotions. I guess she's right. But she also seems to prefer the calmer, less anxious version of me (as do I). And those two things are pretty much mutually exclusive. I can't paint, cry, go to sleep and wake up functional. It's more like paint, cry, fall into skittery half-sleep insomniation, and the next day I'm depressed and too tired to think clearly.
And if I have a choice here, it would be to prioritize those activities that reduce stress and bring me calm (yoga, taking walks, drinking tea), as opposed to those activities that allow me to express emotion, which is highly stressful. Obviously I'm seeing that my choice more often than not is to bury and numb emotion (vodka, anyone?), which, from a mental health standpoint probably isn't good. Anyway, it's something to think about.
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In other news, I paid for another woman's birth control pills tonight. Target retrieval: March 3. That's scary soon. And desperately far away.
March 3... exciting!!! but yes, super weird to buy BCPs for someone else.
ReplyDeleteI think you need both sides of Gwinne or else you'd go mad. You gotta let the ugly out from time to time.
My transfer for embry donation has been set for March 26. I am several weeks behind you. Wishing you all the best.
ReplyDeleteHey! I just swept by your blog. Found it through a mutual friend's. Wishing the best for you and looking forward to following your journey.
ReplyDelete~Jess
http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/