Good Things

I think I'm happy.  I'm not quite as blissed out as I remember being during pregnancy with LG, but I'm settling in.  Life isn't a Pottery Barn catalogue or a sitcom--the house is a wreck and there are a million and one things I should be doing and LG is, well, seven*--but, wow, in terms of major life things going well, I really can't complain.  I'm pregnant with what appears to be a healthy boy, despite the odds.  I have a kid who is smart as hell and hilarious and adventurous and very excited about being a big sister.  I'm getting paid to show up and yap about some of my favorite books with a bunch of twenty-somethings four days per week.  I have a home I love (even if it feels like it's falling down around me sometimes).  Most of the time I'm confident that I'll still have a job this time next year, and that being an associate professor will be much better than being an assistant professor.  I have good friends, locally and across the country.  I have a family who loves me, even if they really don't get me.

And I'm petrified to write this down, because the last time I really took notice of how good things were, the next day I found out my beta didn't double and my tenure case was getting radically screwed, which really probably was the worst day of my life, or at least it felt so at the time.  Still, right now, this moment, I'm happy.  And that's a remarkable thing.


** To give an example of recent behavior, she pitched an absolute fit yesterday because I said, no, I wouldn't reward her for drinking water, that the reward was taking care of her body, feeling good, and therefore behaving better.  Good times, eh?