You know, I like New Year's. New beginnings and all that. Used to be the sort of person who made resolutions and plans. I just don't have it in me. And I don't mean that in a bad way.
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Two years ago (to the day) I read the donor profile of the woman who, as it turns out, contributed one half of Tiny Boy's DNA. I couldn't see it in his early infancy, but at 13.5 months, he looks remarkably like the baby pictures I have of her. I am grateful to her, I must confess, in an entirely different way than I am the male donors who helped me conceive my kids. Still, most days now I don't think about her. But it doesn't take much to get me mentally spinning down that fertility patient road.
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I spent NYE watching Ghostbusters with LG, and eating a lot of junk food. She stayed up later than me, as I'm battling the cough-that-will-not-die and a sinus infection. (Tiny Boy and I are on the same antibiotic.) Today we did some cleaning in her room, and I tried on my work clothes to see if anything fits. The last time I was in the classroom I was in my second trimester.
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In that big cosmic way, I'm happy. And in small day-to-day ways I am also mostly happy, though I will admit that this past week plus of crabby children NOT IN SCHOOL has been somewhat trying. Right now LG has two friends over, and Tiny Boy, who only took a 35ish minute nap, is crawling around with a truck and fussing. What he really wants is "mama ba" for about the fourth time in the past four hours.
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I go back to work on Monday. Well, really tomorrow, as I need to go print syllabi and buy a parking sticker and do all that beginning-of-semester stuff. I'm mostly looking forward to it--except for the part where I never sleep and need to figure out how to pump milk on a reasonable schedule.
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It occurred to me sometime around December 22 that I hadn't even thought about my first miscarriage on its tenth anniversary, December 19. That in itself seems remarkable. It's been a long road. But mostly I think I've arrived.
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If I do manage to put together something resembling a resolutions list, I'll be sure to post. Happy 2013, everyone!
*
Two years ago (to the day) I read the donor profile of the woman who, as it turns out, contributed one half of Tiny Boy's DNA. I couldn't see it in his early infancy, but at 13.5 months, he looks remarkably like the baby pictures I have of her. I am grateful to her, I must confess, in an entirely different way than I am the male donors who helped me conceive my kids. Still, most days now I don't think about her. But it doesn't take much to get me mentally spinning down that fertility patient road.
*
I spent NYE watching Ghostbusters with LG, and eating a lot of junk food. She stayed up later than me, as I'm battling the cough-that-will-not-die and a sinus infection. (Tiny Boy and I are on the same antibiotic.) Today we did some cleaning in her room, and I tried on my work clothes to see if anything fits. The last time I was in the classroom I was in my second trimester.
*
In that big cosmic way, I'm happy. And in small day-to-day ways I am also mostly happy, though I will admit that this past week plus of crabby children NOT IN SCHOOL has been somewhat trying. Right now LG has two friends over, and Tiny Boy, who only took a 35ish minute nap, is crawling around with a truck and fussing. What he really wants is "mama ba" for about the fourth time in the past four hours.
*
I go back to work on Monday. Well, really tomorrow, as I need to go print syllabi and buy a parking sticker and do all that beginning-of-semester stuff. I'm mostly looking forward to it--except for the part where I never sleep and need to figure out how to pump milk on a reasonable schedule.
*
It occurred to me sometime around December 22 that I hadn't even thought about my first miscarriage on its tenth anniversary, December 19. That in itself seems remarkable. It's been a long road. But mostly I think I've arrived.
*
If I do manage to put together something resembling a resolutions list, I'll be sure to post. Happy 2013, everyone!
Sounds like a lovely New Year's Eve - hope you're feeling better. And I hope you enjoy the last few days off!
ReplyDeleteSounds like your year is off to a good start. Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteLet's hear it for mostly arrived and big cosmic happiness, and wonderful gamete donors of all sexes.
ReplyDelete