So yesterday LG and I were at a party, and I happened to be sitting at a table with a woman who has a two-year-old, and we were talking about toddler speech. Out of the blue, she asked me if I planned to have "another one." Totally caught off guard, I eventually managed to say well, I'm actually pregnant (which clearly caught her off guard, and she ended up commenting on how small I am [uhh, not really], blah blah). At that point she volunteered that she was trying very hard for number two. I nodded, sympathetically, let her go on talking. At which point it became clear that her version of very hard has nothing to do with my reality. Like, she's been off the pill a couple months, which seems like an incredibly long time when kid #1 was conceived the very first try. At some point I said matter-of-factly well, this one took me two and a half years and LG was 10 months (I left out the miscarriages and the IVFs and the drama). Gee, a couple months of unprotected sex with your spouse is very hard?
What was interesting about this encounter is I didn't end up hugely upset about it. The woman just struck me as an ignorant but well-intentioned fertile. And I had something she wanted. Weird, huh? I'm certainly not "over" the close to three years trying and the $50K+ worth of fertility treatment and the RPL and the need to use donor eggs. I still have moments (many, if you want to know) that I wish I knew what the problem really was, when I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't done this DE cycle but resorted to IVF at another clinic this summer. I'm still not convinced I'll have an actual baby in my house in November, even though it's playing soccer in my uterus as I type. And yet...I made it through the conversation without batting an eyelash, much less crying. And that seems like a monumental step toward peace.
(We'll see how at peace I feel when I learn that my little peanut is sporting a little penis on Friday...)
I think you did Really well - she would have annoyed me. A Big Gold Star to you!
ReplyDeleteIm impressed you didn't clock her. Well done.I'm glad to see you so comfortable that you rolled with this.
ReplyDeleteFunny how 'a long time' is such a relative term!
ReplyDeleteIf your little peanut does have a penis, it will be interesting. Having a girl first does not prepare one for a boy, I've found. They come into the world weird! And they continue being weird!
I was actually kind of nervous about having a little boy. The pre-baby imagination for me just worked better with a girl so I was, I am embarrassed to admit, a little relieved when I had a girl. My sister was the exact opposite. Go figure.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing how being pregnant, or having that baby in your arms really does lessen the sting of infertility. But it definitely doesn't make it go away. I still always blanch at those kinds of things and try really hard to let it go. You did great in how you handled it!