All the hullabaloo about PAIL and the Healing Salons came at an interesting time for me, when I'm going through something major with a friend of twenty-five years. It was one of those things that came out of nowhere like a whack to the side of the head; she's been spending months thinking about our relationship, letting old hurts fester, while I've been living my life and looking forward to the next time I see her. She still hasn't seen Tiny Boy. I hope things can be mended. But at what cost?
Then today, again out of nowhere, I heard from someone I haven't talked to in years, someone I knew in graduate school, who was getting in touch about helping someone we both knew at the time. And I started thinking of other people who should hear this news...and the very short list included two friends I had falling outs with way back when I was ttc for LG and our lives took very different paths. And I thought, do I suck it up and use this as an opportunity to re-establish contact? And you know, I decided I didn't want to do it. Apparently ten years of not speaking to someone is not long enough.
This is not a problem I've had with old boyfriends, however.
I told A. once but I should remind her that at some point she'll wind up not speaking to me. All the friends who stop speaking to me--under fairly dramatic conditions, I might add--are Scorpios. Seriously.
Yes, gotta watch out for those Scorpios...I've been stung a couple of times, too...Pisces can be hard to read as well....and Geminis. I'm a Leo, so most people think I'm a big pushover, but then when they push me too far, I pounce. It's weird that your post came up on my blogroll at this moment because I just realized two women I've had falling outs with recently joined Facebook, and I feel just like you - NOT interested in reconciling with their toxic asses. Sometimes falling outs can be a misunderstanding and sometimes they can be the healthiest choice ever. I am ALL FOR keeping friends and family with good, positive energy around and keeping the crazy makers out.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Maddy
Alas, I am not a Scorpio, so I should be fine, right? :-)
ReplyDeleteI've actually ruminated on this quite a bit lately. Some friendships simply don't last forever -- we outgrow them, they no longer meet our needs. I think that is okay. It is okay to say, I've got other needs right now. "It's not you, it's me" so to speak.
I do not, however, condone letting the rage fester without at least cluing your friend in on why. I wish your friend (esp. of 25 years!) would at least have given you a clue as to what was up before she became so angry.
Sending you much love and hugs,
Jo
I have two friends who have "fallen away" (I'm a collector of people, so low number I know). 1 I could do without ever talking to again. The other I have no idea. I know she feels badly for missing my second wedding, but I really don't care! I know it was hard when I married and had kids and she did not, but since i've not seen her since fMhson was born I don't think I'm guilty of the "talk about me kids all the time" sin
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about old friendships lately too. I use to try to fix and hold on to every relationship. But now I'm finding that sometimes you just have to let it go.
ReplyDeleteAck, Scorpios! They are high maintenance. (My sister, for example. I've written some scathing posts about her antics.) When pg, I kept hoping Sunshine would stay inside long enough to not be a Scorpio. Love my little Sag!
ReplyDeleteThe old but difficult friends thing is hard. My best friend is AWFUL at letting go. It's hard to see her hang on to friendships that are horribly detremental. Sometimes letting go is the right decision.