Thank you all for your outpouring of empathy and suggestions.
To answer a couple particular questions: (1) yes, I'm sure Tiny Boy isn't hungry, as he's fed immediately prior to most naps and still wakes within 20-40 minutes (and he nurses every 2 hrs, plus takes 3 small meals per day) although I'm also pretty certain he's not ready to night-wean yet, as a guy in the 5th percentile; (2) I don't think reflux is the problem as reflux was a problem, and it manifested differently, and he had very obvious and bothersome symptoms; I suppose it's possible, but sleep position doesn't seem to be a problem with him now the way it used to--if there is a medical reason, I'm more inclined to think it's chemical/neurological. If behavioral tinkering doesn't change, I will definitely look into seeing a sleep specialist, so thanks, SurlyMama.
*
That said, I decided to try the later nap thing yesterday. Here's what our day looked like:
10:00-10:20 am -- 20 min nap; babysitter tried re-rocking and it failed miserably
12:40pm -- nurse to sleep
1:00 pm --awake, swaddle/rock back to sleep in mom's bed
2:20 pm--really awake (yes, he took a REAL nap)
5:45-6:15 pm--nap
8:45 pm--nurse/rock to sleep
9:05 pm--awake; rock to sleep
12:45 am--nurse
awake at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00
5:30 am--swaddle/rock to sleep
7:00 am--awake for the day
So, three major bonuses from this plan: (1) having 2 extra hours in the evening to hang out as a family; the kids took baths (together, with lots of splashing), we read, we relaxed; (2) four hours of uninterrupted sleep FOR ME at the beginning of the night; (3) shifting the annoying rocking chair stint until 5:30 (instead of 3:30 or 4:00)
But, as you can see, almost every sleep stretch begins with a 20 minute wake up, and it's not always possible to get him back down (I am REALLY committed to that afternoon nap, and I'll hold him for ~30 minutes and then sit next to him for the entirety of the nap...obviously doesn't work with a babysitter, and I can't always do it either). And that hourly wake-up at night just SUCKS. I'm grateful he's not awake for any length of time at night; usually I can stick a breast in his mouth and he goes back almost immediately, but it's very hard on me. Some of those he clearly needs the nourishment; some of those he doesn't...sometimes I can tell which is which, sometimes I can't.
All in all, we'll definitely be trying this again. If he continues to take a decent afternoon nap, the loss of early evening night sleep probably won't matter. If he doesn't, the schedule might look nice but he'll be losing total sleep, so I'll keep tinkering.
Thanks again for the suggestions!
To answer a couple particular questions: (1) yes, I'm sure Tiny Boy isn't hungry, as he's fed immediately prior to most naps and still wakes within 20-40 minutes (and he nurses every 2 hrs, plus takes 3 small meals per day) although I'm also pretty certain he's not ready to night-wean yet, as a guy in the 5th percentile; (2) I don't think reflux is the problem as reflux was a problem, and it manifested differently, and he had very obvious and bothersome symptoms; I suppose it's possible, but sleep position doesn't seem to be a problem with him now the way it used to--if there is a medical reason, I'm more inclined to think it's chemical/neurological. If behavioral tinkering doesn't change, I will definitely look into seeing a sleep specialist, so thanks, SurlyMama.
*
That said, I decided to try the later nap thing yesterday. Here's what our day looked like:
10:00-10:20 am -- 20 min nap; babysitter tried re-rocking and it failed miserably
12:40pm -- nurse to sleep
1:00 pm --awake, swaddle/rock back to sleep in mom's bed
2:20 pm--really awake (yes, he took a REAL nap)
5:45-6:15 pm--nap
8:45 pm--nurse/rock to sleep
9:05 pm--awake; rock to sleep
12:45 am--nurse
awake at 2:00, 3:00, 4:00, 5:00
5:30 am--swaddle/rock to sleep
7:00 am--awake for the day
So, three major bonuses from this plan: (1) having 2 extra hours in the evening to hang out as a family; the kids took baths (together, with lots of splashing), we read, we relaxed; (2) four hours of uninterrupted sleep FOR ME at the beginning of the night; (3) shifting the annoying rocking chair stint until 5:30 (instead of 3:30 or 4:00)
But, as you can see, almost every sleep stretch begins with a 20 minute wake up, and it's not always possible to get him back down (I am REALLY committed to that afternoon nap, and I'll hold him for ~30 minutes and then sit next to him for the entirety of the nap...obviously doesn't work with a babysitter, and I can't always do it either). And that hourly wake-up at night just SUCKS. I'm grateful he's not awake for any length of time at night; usually I can stick a breast in his mouth and he goes back almost immediately, but it's very hard on me. Some of those he clearly needs the nourishment; some of those he doesn't...sometimes I can tell which is which, sometimes I can't.
All in all, we'll definitely be trying this again. If he continues to take a decent afternoon nap, the loss of early evening night sleep probably won't matter. If he doesn't, the schedule might look nice but he'll be losing total sleep, so I'll keep tinkering.
Thanks again for the suggestions!
I wish I had anything at all useful to recommend. But I don't, and the obvious stuff would just be annoying. I might chat with your ped and then move on to a sleep specialist -- he's a big enough boy now that he should be able to go more than a couple of hours without waking up. Mostly, though, I wish you luck. And don't hesitate to bring in reinforcements so that you can get some rest -- that's what they are for!
ReplyDeleteYou're schedule is almost what our schedule was a couple months ago (baby is now 11 months), and recently out of nowhere things started to improve, and now he'll go to bed between 7 and 9 pm (I just look at him whether he's tired or not, then it will usually only take 20 min of nursing/rocking for him to fall asleep) and then he'll wake up at 3am and 5am. So that gives us a long stretch of sleep until 3 am. So my point being that there is hope that it will improve without doing anything special.
ReplyDeleteI hope it gets better soon!
With my first child I was exhausted trying to get her to sleep, I spent most of my time pushing her in her pram or driving around in the car. At ten months I decided to put her into her cot and leave her there. She cried for at least 20 minutes, her face was covered in red blotches and I felt awful. The next day I did the same and eventually(after three or four days)she didn't cry. From then onwards she slept whenever I put her into her cot. It was unreal how I felt in control for the first time since she was born. Her night time sleeping improved also as she could self soothe. With my other children I never got into the habit of letting them decide where and when they slept rather I put them into their cot after feeding them. Good luck, it will all work out and you will never look back
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you got at least some longer stretches and some nice family time in the evening, but, man, those early hour wakings are awful. I really think wakings between 2 and 5 are the absolute worst to try to handle emotionally. There is no rational thinking at 3am.
ReplyDeleteHave you tried wine? I'm kind of kidding but sometimes when we're most desperate Fern will have a couple glasses of wine to try to taint the breast milk a little. We think we see some connection to G's sleep but it might just be that we're both more relaxed.
I hope that Tiny Boy adjusts a little and starts to figure some of this out!