So I was freaking out this weekend. Had a big committee meeting yesterday and needed to finish the prep, which was interrupted by the NOT SLEEPING and the surgery. I sat in my office Thursday afternoon, realizing it was taking me about five times longer than it should to do anything, so I came home. And then was up a good chunk of the night and Tiny Boy had surgery and I watched like three hours of TV with my mom while he took a record nap. That is to say, I did NOTHING work related on Friday. And I started counting up hours and thought at minimum I needed to put in five to six in order to get the committee work done and catch up on grading for one of my classes and pass my eyes over the book my students were discussing yesterday.
And LG is all why is mom freaking out? who cares if you don't get your work done? (Apparently my kid is one of those genius slacker types I can't stand in my courses. JUST TURN IN YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK PEOPLE)
(Bunny, I blame you for the CAPS. I didn't used to do that.)
Anyhoo. I got the work done enough to say it was done, and I was still freaking out about it not being good enough, because the chair of this particular committee is one of those STARS who always gets his shit done and I want to hate him but I really can't because we went to grad school together and he's just a good guy with a stellar work ethic and thus my sense of guilt.
And then I show up to the meeting and realize my senior colleagues haven't really done any more prep than me. And, in fact, I'm more prepared than one of them. And I go to my classes, feeling ill-prepared, but my students haven't done a damn thing.
And I was like, why I can't I take a lesson from my daughter? Thinking about that. Why it is I'm hard-wired to feel guilty. Why it is I uphold the deadlines when no one else does.
Anyway, I've been awake since 4:52 or something like that so I'd better FOCUS before the afternoon fuzzies come back. Talk amongst yourselves.
And LG is all why is mom freaking out? who cares if you don't get your work done? (Apparently my kid is one of those genius slacker types I can't stand in my courses. JUST TURN IN YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK PEOPLE)
(Bunny, I blame you for the CAPS. I didn't used to do that.)
Anyhoo. I got the work done enough to say it was done, and I was still freaking out about it not being good enough, because the chair of this particular committee is one of those STARS who always gets his shit done and I want to hate him but I really can't because we went to grad school together and he's just a good guy with a stellar work ethic and thus my sense of guilt.
And then I show up to the meeting and realize my senior colleagues haven't really done any more prep than me. And, in fact, I'm more prepared than one of them. And I go to my classes, feeling ill-prepared, but my students haven't done a damn thing.
And I was like, why I can't I take a lesson from my daughter? Thinking about that. Why it is I'm hard-wired to feel guilty. Why it is I uphold the deadlines when no one else does.
Anyway, I've been awake since 4:52 or something like that so I'd better FOCUS before the afternoon fuzzies come back. Talk amongst yourselves.
I literally have nightmares, okay maybe they are just bad dreams, about not being prepared enough for class (and forgetting to make copies of important stuff) and generally being disorganized.
ReplyDeleteOne of the consistent positive I get from students is that they appreciate my organization. When I am the least bit disorganized or underprepared it makes for a nightmare time for me.
I envy people that can just stroll into a class and wing it. That's not me and never will be (I have my PowerPoints, lecture notes, folders of "stuff", etc.)
I too get aggravated with students that don't or won't stay on top of their responsibilities. I teach community college (and personally was the motivated, academic type that put in the work) and wasn't prepare for the amount of hand holding students expect and that they are so many are okay with just skating by. One of the consistent negatives I get (which is actually a positive according to my department chair) is that they feel I expect a lot/too much at times.
ALL CAPS ARE NECESSARY. Yeah, I think there are times when it's actually beneficial to put in a slacker effort day, if only to remind yourself that you are more ethical than, you know, a lot of people. You've been through a harrowing time, and it was a good choice to do the minimum.
ReplyDeleteYES THEY ARE!!
ReplyDeleteMultiple miscarriages and fertility treatment taught me that I get some of my highest evals when I feel like a trainwreck. More prep doesn't equal better classes for me in general but right now I feel like I'm phoning it in. I'll see what happens I guess...
ALL CAPS DO WONDERS when the screaming inside the head gets bothersome. I KNOW. :-) And yes, Bunny is EVIL with her TWISTY EVIL WAYS of insinuating herself inside the head. I wonder if the screaming she found there made her use all caps...
ReplyDeleteAnyways.
I remember that when I was a student, we used to work our butts off. There were many, many classes and seminars and hours after hours spent in the library because there was just one copy of the book I needed and I couldn't take it home. There was little time spent with professors, because that was just the way it was, I would not bother them for every little silly thing, I would go prepared and ready to have a conversation with them, not be told what to do. After I graduated, there was a large reform and the curricula were halved, as were practically the hours of study. I was for a bit a teaching aid and was appalled by the mollycoddling the students expected. They were at most 4 or 5 years younger than me, how could there be such a big change in work ethics between two school generations? And then my professor changed her favourites and my life changed too, I became a translator instead. :-) Still, what silly wimps!
That said, a touch of slacking improves the overall ethics and feelings of accomplishment. One does need terms for comparison, NO (as my Spanish friend says)?