Something Remarkable 2.0

Although classes do not begin until next Wednesday, my duties officially began yesterday with a meeting for the student organization which I advise and a reception for new graduate students (which I dragged LG to--such is the life of a single mom). And I felt this discernable shift from Summer Gwinne (who sits in coffee shops and reads things and writes things and watches a lot of TV) to School Year Gwinne (who grades papers and attends meetings and smiles pleasantly at Crazy Senior Colleagues); the stress gathered in my shoulders and neck and turned into the thing that precedes The Headache. I wanted to go home and pet IVF Kitten and be anywhere but work. The good thing about those hours was that I wasn't thinking about negative pregnancy tests.

This blog really got going two years ago, when I scheduled an appointment with Dr. Evil (who I still cannot believe actually TRAINED Dr. Gorgeous) on the first day of school to talk about my low-tech plan to conceive baby #2. It's been two years, people. TWO YEARS. And while I know there are people, some who read this blog, who've been at it longer than that, I never really thought it would be me. I spent most of last year being various shades of depressed and angry at that fact. This year, I think, is going to be the year of denial and biding my time. See, if I was a married person, I'd be taking a real break from all ttc attempts and just having sex every month and seeing what happened. I'm not willing to lose the chance that this month might have the good egg, so I'm not even taking a month off. But I am, psychologically, thinking of this low-tech plan as being on hiatus. If it happens, fantastic. If it doesn't, I'm out maybe $600, which is less than the cost of daycare for the baby I'm not having. When I hit 38, then I'll come up with another big plan. Right now, I really don't want to think about it.

Which brings me to the point of this post. Changes will be afoot at Something Remarkable. I like the blog, and I like the community, so I really don't want to shut down completely. But the posts about the ins and outs of my ovaries are, I think, done. And other than a few people I need to keep track of (hey, Sprogblogger!) I'm going to scale back the daily blog checking. As people have gotten pregnant and moved on, I've lost the community I started with, and while many of you are still here, cheering me on, you're in a different place now. I'm not sure who my community is, as it's not SMC-wannabes just getting started and it's not long term infertile married people. If you've been a regular commenter and want to stay in touch, feel free to email me at gwinne [at] yahoo [dot] com.

I'll be here. Just a little quieter than usual. Maybe more of the single mom academic chat and less of the ttc chat. Maybe more of the small good things (can we put a good night's sleep on the top of that list?). All things considered, I think I'm pretty zen. And when I don't think about it (you know, because thinking makes me cry) and I don't look at the holy-shit-that's-16-failed-cycles list I keep, I'm in pretty much the same place I was when I started this conversation two years ago.

And with that, I've really got to get to work.