Cancelled?

I did a complete turnaround and decided on my way to the clinic that I'd proceed to IVF with 4, if Dr. Gorgeous thought it was a good idea. My thinking was, again, the only reason NOT to do IVF is money. And I could live with losing $10K. I couldn't face the very real possibility of twins, and what I would do if I had twins.

But of course that's all for naught. Because I have *2* fucking mature follicles. And the nurse said that Dr. G might very well want to do an IUI tomorrow (clinic's usually closed on Sundays). And you know, I'm not okay with that. I'm beyond not okay with that. I WILL NOT DO THAT. I will not waste my last IUI specimen on a badly-timed IUI.

I completely lost it. They put me in the conference room with a box of tissues, a juice box, and let me cry it out.

I drove an hour home, and I'm still not done.

I'm not sure how this is going to play out. But I'm not doing IVF. And I'm not doing an IUI tomorrow* And that might mean this cycle isn't happening at all.