Decisions Decisions

So yesterday, sometime between stripping off her Ann Taylor sweater and snapping on the latex, Dr Gorgeous asked me how the consult went. Well, I said, I think I'll need to make an appointment to talk to you about it. It would appear that my opportunity will be this Thursday (?!) so I've got to get my head around somethings pretty darn quick. Where I'm at seems to change by the minute these days. Some things for you to advise me on (while I sit here drinking sanctioned rooibos tea and ignoring the piles of laundry in my house, and the stacks of student papers to grade!):

1. Dr. Slideshow recommended repeat hysteroscopy if I do donor egg. I think it makes sense to repeat, no matter what my next big step is. I'll have to see what Dr. Gorgeous, and my insurance company, thinks about this.
2. I'm wondering if it makes sense to do an endometrial function test or test for NK cells or other autoimmune things I haven't been tested for. This isn't coming out of my appt with Dr. Slideshow so much as my sense that there's something more than DOR going on with me. And really, I don't want to give up my own DNA and shell out $30,000 just to have another miscarriage with someone young thing's eggs.
3. Although I'm still going to acupuncture, I have not made a move in terms of the Chinese herbs plan and I don't think I'm going to. While I'd like to think "holistic" is a better way to go, the fact of the matter is that I don't have the months required to actually make it a legitimate plan and see if it helps me. That plan also assumes that I actually trust my body. And you know what? I don't.
4. That is, I'm pretty much ready to bail on my body. I hit 38 in a month. That has always been my Donor Egg Deadline. I'm pretty sure I'll be doing donor egg (not sure where yet), but I also think I need to give my body one last big shot. Will that be a highly medicated IUI? IVF with Dr. Gorgeous? IVF with Dr. Slideshow? And when? Winter break would seem to be a good time, don't you think?
5. I learned something I don't like about myself. Turns out that a donor's looks matter. Dr. Slideshow gave me the link to the extended profiles page, and I have to say I freaked out when I saw pictures of the donors. A. asked me if I could just not look at them. Seriously, do I have that much impulse control?! I really like the fact that I don't know what LG's donor looks like. I've got a baby picture, that's all, and that's how I want it. Turns out that if I wanted a male donor to be a good date, I want a female donor to be a reasonable fascimile of me. Where are the high-IQed, dark haired Eastern European/Jewish egg donors, I ask you?
6. Since I haven't actually talked to Dr. Gorgeous about how she does the egg donor program, that's one thing I need to know. On the one hand, it seems to make sense to be to go with the bigger clinic for DE; Dr. Slideshow does something like 50 DE cycles per year, Dr. Gorgeous does more like 10. Her stats are also slighly lower (67% vs. 75-80% live birth rate). But there are other issues to consider, like cycling at home is way easier than cycling out of state, particularly with a school-aged child. And there's something to be said for working with the doctor who's seen you through the ups and downs (mostly downs) of 2+ years of treatment.

I keep spinning, and I don't seem to be getting anywhere. Do I take it as a sign that the reproductive counselor hasn't returned my message to schedule an appointment?