I'm in a mood

It's Mother's Day, and I am a mother, and around these parts of the blogosphere, that means I have a rare gift. (Interestingly, although I have been pregnant 3 (4?) times, I have never been pregnant on Mother's Day, at least not that I've known about. Technically I was a year ago.) LG woke me up early to wish me a happy day, and that was quite nice. When I managed to make it downstairs (she watched cartoons, I lolled about in bed, half-dreaming) she presented me with her school-made gifts and cards, which were delightful. These are good things. I recognize this.

Then my mother called, and I've been in a mood ever since. Maybe it was something about her saying that LG made her a grandmother, you know, because LG had a whole lot to do with that. (I'm more inclined to think WFRE and I made her a grandmother.) Or maybe it was when she suggested that I take LG to see that Babies movie, and I said I will not be seeing that, to which she responded, after a long pause, Oh, you mean because of YOU. Yeah, thanks for reminding me that (a) I'm infertile and (b) you completely don't get what that means.

Please understand: I love my mother. She was incredibly supportive of me having LG, and she is, in theory, supportive of me trying to have another child. But she keeps making these comments. How much longer will I be driving to the clinic? Do I want a child enough to adopt? She just doesn't get it. And I'm not sure why exactly, but it really got to me this morning, enough that I'm feeling surly with LG (of course, being outside in 40-degree weather at the zoo for 2.5 hours might have something to do with that, too).

And then I have this feeling that much as I want it, in another two weeks I will be starting up yet another cycle. Between now and then, I need to choose another donor (totally different bank) and talk to Dr. Gorgeous about my protocol. In twenty-four hours I've gone from being quite optimistic to being sure I'll never get off this ttc rollercoaster. I even asked the nurse if I could just skip my blood draw for progesterone next week, since we'll be out of town. Sure, she said, if you're already on that much supplementation, it's not like she'll raise your dose. I'm just exhausted. I suppose that's really what it comes down to.