I did end up on my porch this afternoon. I read for a while. I started a fresh notebook. I made a decision.
I will not be doing fertility treatment come fall semester. If I am not pregnant--and I do not think I am--I should have four cycles left before school starts. If I am not pregnant--and I do not think I am--I probably need to make an appointment to talk to Dr. Gorgeous about how to best handle the time I have left, though I doubt my protocol would change. And then I need to schedule a consult with a clinic out-of-state to talk about donor egg.
I always wondered if I'd know when it was time to stop. I think this is it.
Gwinne -- you sound tired. And maybe being tired is your brain telling you that enough is enough of the monthly rollercoaster? I hope like hell you are pregnant (although if you don't think you are then you are likely right), and I hope like hell that whatever decision you make you are comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteWow. This is a big one. I totally understand the wanting end dates, but now that I've passed one I held very dear (March) and am rapidly approaching another (July 1st), I find it really hard to live by them. But it is good to have a sort of light at the end of the tunnel. None of this is easy.
ReplyDeleteWell, the thing about arbitrary proclamations is that there's nothing to hold me to them. If September comes and I'm not ready to be done, or if I'm not ready to move to donor egg, so be it. Right now, having an endpoint and backup plan, however arbitrary, is something to hold on to.
ReplyDeleteIt's a difficult decision, but you seem to be dealing with it with grace. Best of luck to you as you continue down the path!
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