4w5d

It's been a really rough couple days.

On Wednesday, in addition to the low rise with the beta, I was hit with potentially devastating news about my tenure case. I haven't fully processed what it means yet. But it basically comes down to the upper administration not being pleased with how my chair handled my case and requesting additional information for my file...and a decision being postponed until the fall. My chair is adamant that if they wanted to deny me tenure they'd probably do it outright. But I don't know. Now I need to rethink everything, including whether or not to look for another job (academic or otherwise).

Then of course LG woke up crying Wednesday night with an ear ache, which meant neither of us slept. And she had to stay home with me on a day I desperately needed her at school. Fortunately I got a friend to stay with her for an hour so I could go to therapy and just cry.

I tucked LG into bed at about 6:30 last night, got into bed myself at 7:00 and napped for a while. Got up at 8:45, took my meds, watched a bit of a movie, and was back to sleep by 10:00. I didn't get up until almost 7:00. That's more sleep than I've gotten in the previous week combined, I think.

I'm still exhausted. And I can't tell how much of it is pregnancy exhaustion and how much of it is emotional exhaustion and how much is just not sleeping well for a very long time.

My breasts still hurt (but not as much). I'm still nauseous. But I know from having had three previous pregnancies, symptoms mean absolutely nothing.

Today LG is back at school, on antibiotics and after a good 12.5 hr sleeep. I've got the day to have my blood drawn, to mope, to watch movies, to clean, to read, to do whatever I feel like doing. And that's good, no matter what news the day brings.