Next Steps?

The news of this week still has me reeling. I'm alternating between completely fine, numb and stunned, and grief-stricken. I know there is the smallest possibility that the number will continue to rise on Monday; clearly Dr. G hasn't ruled out a viable pregnancy, or she'd have me stop progesterone/estrogen/lovenox. But with two betas in a row that didn't double...I really don't believe that's a likely scenario.

The irony is the actual number is not even technically low. Until Wednesday, it was actually on the high side. If Wednesday had been my first beta, as it was supposed to be, I wouldn't yet be so certain of the outcome.

I don't really know what to do next. I feel like I probably need to take a few months off, to clear myself of all these hormones. But that just means prolonging this process. It's already been 2.5 years. I don't know if my next step would be a FET with the remaining 2 embryos or a fresh IVF cycle of my own. Or a combination. Or a consult with a place like CCRM.

The things I think I want to ask Dr. G about are the possiblity of me being hyperthyroid (my thyroid was tested earlier this year, but clearly something's going on with the insomnia and weight loss) and whether taking steroids for a longer period of time is indicated. I'm not sure what else. My last hysteroscopy, in November, was clean.

I know it's possible to have a miscarriage for genetic reasons from a DE cycle (I mean, that's still the most common reason for miscarriage, even for women in their twenties), but given my history, it seems more difficult now to say that the problem is "egg/embryo quality." These were perfect 4AA embryos, from a proven donor (X 3), at a clinic with a 70% or higher LBR. And it seems significant to me that this pregnancy failed on exactly the same timeline as my last proven pregnancy (May 2009), with betas rising essentially until 4w5d and then declining. The starting place was much higher this time around, but the pattern is rather similar. Does that point to a particular problem?

I swear I can feel this embryo, either burrowing or detaching, I can't say. I've felt it a lot over the past week, toward my left side, though the intensity of those sensations is dwindling (along with the breast tenderness and everything else). As I remember it now, I felt an incredibly sharp series of twinges on my left a day past transfer (the equivalent of 6dpo). I'm assuming we won't be able to see anything on ultrasound (unless something changes radically for the better, beta won't be high enough) but it would be interesting to see.

I really appreciate all your kind words and support over this past week. If you have any suggestions about what to do next, I'd like to hear them.